Page 25 of Together Is Where We Belong

“You didn’t know, Mom. I didn’t either. We can’t focus on the should’ve or could’ve; we can only focus on the here and now,” I said to console her. I wasn’t mad at her for keeping them from me. I was mad at my eighteen-year-old self for wanting to protect his heart instead of opening her letters. If I had, so much would’ve been different. But like I told my mom, we can’t focus on that.

“What do you know about him?” my mom asked.

“Not much. I know that he loves to help Carolina cook based on the evidence in the photo. I know his full name is Luke Alexander Courtright, and that his birthday is May fourth. I need to ask Carolina more about him, but I didn’t want to bombard her with questions right away,” I told her. I desperately wanted to know all there was to know about Luke, so I didn’t feel so behind when I met him, but I didn’t know how to talk to Carolina or if she’d even be welcomed to answering the thousands of questions that I had.

“She gave him your middle and last name,” my mom whispered, not in question, but more so shocked that Carolina had done that.

“Yeah, I was just as shocked as you were,” I admitted. I was still in shock, if I was honest with myself.

“You said he knows about you. What did she tell him about why you weren’t there?” my dad asked.

“She told him I had important ranch business.” I hated that she had to tell him that lie. When he was older, I’d tell him the truth and own up to my mistakes in missing these years with him.

“You said you’re havin’ dinner with him tomorrow. Can you find out what he likes, and I can go shoppin’ tomorrow since you have a busier day and pick up a gift for you to bring. You shouldn’t come empty-handed,” my mom said beaming with excitement at the idea of buying a gift for her grandson.

“I’ll ask her and let you know. I just have to say I’m sorry,” I said as I took another bite of food, not really tasting it.

“Sorry for what, Leo?” my dad questioned.

“For lettin’ y’all down. It’s my fault we missed so much with him. It’s my fault she had to raise him alone. It’s my fault he’s even here at all because I had one careless moment when we were together,” I admitted, feeling better that I’d gotten it all off my chest.

My mom stood from her seat and walked over to me, and pulled me in for a hug which I gratefully returned.

“You have nothin’ to be sorry for, son. Children are a gift. It sucks that we weren’t there for them, but we can’t change that now, like you said. We can only be there goin’ forward. How’re you feelin’ about seein’ her again?” my mom asked after she pulled back from our hug and walked back to her seat.

“Thanks for that. It’s hard seein’ her again if I’m honest. I never thought I’d lay eyes on her again. And now I find out we have a child together, and I’ll be seein’ a lot more of her. I just want to be there for our son. I respect the heck out of her for raisin’ him on her own, and I hope she won’t make it difficult to be in his life,” I admitted my worry to my parents.

“Just talk with her. Don’t express any of your anger at the situation or take it out on her. You deal with that in private. Just focus on Luke, and everythin’ else will fall in place,” my father said. He always gave such wise advice.

I took the last bite of food I could stomach before I told my parents I needed to head home to process. What I really wanted to do was start going through the letters and find out as much about Luke as I could.

“Good night, Leo. Don’t forget to see if she will tell you what he likes so I can go grab that gift,” my mom reminded me as she gave me a hug goodbye.

“You’re goin’ to do great tomorrow, son. I have no doubt,” my dad said as he hugged me goodbye.

I could only hope they were both right, and hope that Carolina and I could come to some sort of agreement on co-parenting our son.

nine

Leo

Imessaged Carolina this morning right after we did our morning chores. I didn’t even think about the time when I sent the text. My emotions were all over the place about meeting Luke tonight.

Would he like me?

Would I even know how to be a father to him?

What time should I come over for dinner? What sort of things does Luke like? What can you tell me about him?

I reread the text after I hit send, and realized I rambled and my nerves showed.

To my surprise, she responded right away.

What’s she doing up so early?

It’s not your business. Keep it all about Luke, I had to remind myself.

Carolina