Page 58 of Together Is Where We Belong

fifteen

Leo

The smell of Carolina’s perfume still lingered in my truck even a week later. The sweet fragrance that smelled of coconut and vanilla brought back memories that I couldn’t get out of my mind. I didn’t want to think about the past. I’d avoided it all these years on purpose because thinking about a time when I thought I was on top of the world only to have it shattered when she told me she didn’t love me the same way wasn’t something I ever wanted to remember.

Only that scent immediately made the memories flash rapidly and vividly like a highlight reel. One after the other, the memories assaulted my mind. Carolina riding in this very truck, the windows down, her hair flowing in the wind as she smiled over at me. Us sitting in the bed of my truck staring up at the clouds as we tried to figure out what the shapes looked like. Me sitting against the confession tree, her leaned back against me as we watched the sunset. Her breaking my heart at the very tree I confessed my love to her a couple years prior.

The stack of letters still unopened on my nightstand taunted me every night. I longed to open them, but I hadn’t been able to make myself do it yet. It would be hard to read her words regarding Luke. When I allowed myself to think long and hard about my situation, I felt like I’d failed him. I tried to keep the past where it was, but the thoughts lingered in the back of my mind on where I’d be today if I’d just answered the phone or emailed her back.

I swiped away the tears that fell as I shook my head to stop the memories and thoughts. I couldn’t go there. Remembering how we used to be would do nothing but cause my anger for her to return, and I was trying to move past it. Thinking of the should haves and could haves would do nothing to change the past.

I got out of my truck and turned as I remembered my reason for coming out here in the first place. Luke had left one of his trucks in my truck, and I wanted to return it to him.

After I retrieved it from the floorboard of my truck, I walked back to the clubhouse where Carolina was supposed to meet me with Luke to attend the community event that the ranch was hosting this year.

It’d been a busy week with preparing the setup, so I hadn’t gotten to see Luke but one evening this week before he was asleep. We’d all worked long hours to make sure everything would go off without a hitch.

We’d roped off a section of the field for parking which was almost full. Just across the other side of the rope, we had vendors lined up, some coming from a few hours away to attend. A few of the ranch hands were working the two hayrides. We had two trailers hooked up to two tractors and would take them down one of the small trails and bring them back. There were several bounce houses throughout the property for the kids, along with ring toss games and horseshoe pits set up. There were booths where people could buy tickets so they could participate in the games. And a couple more ranch hands were at a station to give rides on the horses. I had to give it to Ainsleigh and Gentry. They’d worked hard to put this together for the last six months. The field in front of our office building had transformed overnight with several tents set up with fans and water stations to make sure everyone stayed hydrated, and they’d rented portable bathrooms so the line wouldn’t get out of hand in the clubhouse.

Carolina seemed nervous about bringing Luke here. I’d wanted to ask why, but it wasn’t my place. I’d tried to keep things platonic between us, only discussing Luke and safe topics with her like her job. I didn’t need to get to know her again in order to get to know my son. It was safer to keep her at arm’s length and for us to coparent together. I couldn’t get hurt that way.

I held my hand over my eyes to ward off the brightness of the sun, and searched the crowd for Carolina and Luke, but didn’t see them.

“I found him, Mom,” I heard Luke from behind me.

As soon as I turned around, Luke barreled into me, knocking me back.

“Gotcha,” I said as I picked him up and put him on my shoulders. He had on a Courtright Ranch shirt and a pair of jean shorts and sandals. Seeing him proudly wearing our ranch logo with the family name did something to my insides.

I held on to his legs to keep him steady.

Looking up, I saw Carolina standing a couple of feet away, straps of a backpack on her bare shoulders. Subtly I took in her appearance when she wasn’t paying attention to me. She had on a pair of jean shorts and a tube top that was tight around her chest and flowy around her stomach. A pair of worn white cowboy boots were on her feet.

“Can we go on a hayride, Dad?” Luke leaned over my head and asked me.

“Yeah, we can, little man,” I told him as I looked over to get Carolina’s attention. She seemed distracted as her eyes constantly scanned the crowd, looking for something.

“You okay?” I asked. Her head snapped over to me, and she shook it just slightly.

“Yeah, just taking it all in. It looks great out here,” she said as she tried to sound excited for the day.

“You have his EpiPen?” I asked, knowing the answer, but I had to check anyway. After finding out about his allergy, Ainsleigh had diligently contacted every food vendor to make sure they’d have foods properly labeled and allergy signs posted. She’d turned into this protective aunt, and I was grateful for her thoughtfulness and that she’d let her feelings about Carolina go for Luke’s sake.

“Yeah, it’s in the backpack along with a change of clothes for him and a first aid kit,” she said as she searched the crowd again.

“Hey, I know it’s not my place, but you seem off today? Are you sure everything’s okay?” I asked out of concern.

“Yeah, I just don’t like crowds. I get scared that I’ll lose Luke,” she admitted, but her eyes wouldn’t meet mine. While that might be true, I felt like there was something else she refrained from telling me.

“Can we go on the hayride now?” Luke asked as he bounced on my shoulders.

“Careful, little man. I don’t want to drop you. Let's go buy some tickets and then we can do the hayride. Sound good?” I asked as I looked over at Carolina, who nodded at me.

We walked over to the ticket booth and Carolina walked right by my side, so close that I could feel the heat of her body. I nudged her with my elbow to get her attention.

Without stopping, she looked up at me, her hands had a tight grip on the straps of the backpack as she waited for me to respond.

“I’m not goin’ to let anythin’ happen to Luke. He’s safe here,” I promised. She nodded and turned her gaze away from me. I hoped she believed me. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to keep this little boy safe.