Page 79 of Together Is Where We Belong

“Why the rings?” he said as he nodded to the hand still gripping my shirt.

I pulled my hand back and looked down at the rings on my left ring finger. Ones I’d purchased many years ago. I ran my hand over the top of the diamond and moved the rings back and forth before I looked up at him, not sure I was ready to give him a response, but knowing I needed to. He deserved to know.

“After I finished my associates degree and started my first job as a nurse, I’d have guys ask me out on occasion. I was too busy with Luke to even entertain the idea. I always turned them down. But it kept happening, and I just wanted it to stop, so I went online and found this website where I could purchase a sterling silver wedding set for pretty cheap. I saved up the money and bought one. When it happened again, all I had to do was hold up my left hand. It worked like a charm,” I told him. I wasn’t sure why I still wore them. It wasn’t like I needed them here. It was just out of habit.

“How did you explain the nonexistent husband to your coworkers who asked?” he said as his mood lightened. I looked up at him, and a smirk crossed his face as he sheepishly looked away from me.

“I just told them he traveled for work. They never really brought it up. Lexi and Neil knew the truth, and they played along,” I replied.

“Where’d you end up?” he asked.

“Charleston, South Carolina,” I replied.

His mouth opened and closed, and I wondered what he’d ask next.

“Just ask me,” I told him when he didn’t say what was on his mind.

“I don’t think it’s any of my business,” he said, looking me in the eyes then looking away.

“That never stopped you before,” I replied without much thought and regretted it because prior to now we hadn’t talked much about the past.

“I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me,” I told him.

“No, it wasn’t. I just…”

“You just what?” I whispered, hoping he’d continue.

“Something’ you said earlier I can’t stop thinkin’ about,” he replied as he shifted in his seat. Our legs brushed against each other, a spark igniting from the barely there contact.

“What’s that?” I whispered before I swallowed hard.

“You said you didn’t want to return here because you felt suffocated. Did I make you feel that way?”

“It wasn’t you. Not exactly. It was the expectations. Everyone around us would always make comments about how we’d end up married with little rancher babies, and deep down I longed to see the world. To experience life outside of this small town. It wasn’t anything you did,” I explained.

This time I didn’t stop myself from putting my hand on his jean clad thigh to offer a reassuring touch. The muscles beneath my touch tensed and relaxed.

After a beat, his hand covered mine. I looked into his baby blue eyes; a sense of longing passed in each of our expressions as we just stared at each under the starlit night sky.

“I,” we both said at the same time, and I let out a laugh.

“You go,” I told him.

His hand tightened atop of mine, and I tried and failed to ignore what his touch did to me. The calloused hands that I used to hold so dear as we ran through the fields of this ranch, and the ones I used to hold as we drove the backroads. The same hands that I used to hold in the bed of his truck as we looked up at the sky just like the one that was above us tonight. Memories flashed in my mind of a younger version of us so rapidly that I didn’t have time to process one before another one came. Minutes passed as the memories assaulted my mind. Over the years, I only allowed my mind to drift back to the simpler times Leo and I shared when I was alone in my room. As more time passed, and Luke got older, it got harder and harder to only see Leo when I was alone because he looked more like his father as he aged.

I blinked rapidly to try and clear the images of our past from my mind as I waited for Leo to respond.

“After you left, I hated what you did to me. I wanted to go after you. I almost did, but I didn’t even know where to start lookin’,” he started. If he thought hard enough, he’d have figured it out. I ended up in one of the places that I shared with him. Maybe in hopes that he’d find me someday, but I never allowed myself to think too hard about it.

“I got so tired of everyone askin’ me how I was, that I barred them from ever speakin’ your name,” he continued.

Hearing those words stung, but I remained silent because I didn’t know what to say.

“I just couldn’t handle the constant worried looks or the questions. I started to act like my old self. I acted like this carefree person but on the inside I was just broken,” he whispered as he looked away from me.

My heart broke for the boy I’d left behind all those years ago, and for the man in front of me today. The what could have been played heavy on my emotions as tears filled my eyes.

This conversation was hard to hear, but every time he was around, it sat heavy between us. Words that needed to be spoken, but neither of us wanted to broach the subject.