Page 93 of Lord of Fire and Ice

She realized how she’d hardened into the perfect Norse matron after that. She’d become someone so ruthlessly efficient, had run her household with such tight control, she couldn’t be bothered by a little thing like her husband’s bed slave. She couldn’t be touched by anything at all.

“Do you think Brandr will take a bed slave?” Dalla asked.

Panic knotted her belly. “I haven’t had my first moon since our wedding. I don’t know.”

“Brandr already loves you so much that his mind is open to you. I’ll warrant you never heard your first husband’s voice inside your head.”

“No, I didn’t.” But she could guess Osvald’s thoughts right enough every time she caught him glancing Inga’s way.

Katla stood abruptly. “I need to return. Linnea is surely finished nursing by now.”

“You brandish that child like a shield to keep from feeling your own need. Will you use her as a buffer between you and Brandr as well?” Katla started to protest, but Dalla waved her off and went on. “A babe is helpless and needy. If you devote yourself to the child, you think it will love you back with the same unconditional fervor.” The old woman shook her head. “If you love her, you won’t use her so. No bairn needs that sort of weight on it.”

“I’m not using her. I saved Linnea’s life. Brandr and I did,” she hastily amended.

“I’m sure. And now you expect that little one to return the favor.”

Katla flinched as though Dalla had slapped her.

“Man.” Dalla drew a curved line in the dirt with the tip of her cane. “Woman.” She etched a reflective curve next to the first, making them connected top and bottom in a perfect disc. “A child cannot complete the circle. A child’s place is in the center of the circle.” She made a small dot in the middle of the dirt drawing. “Sheltered equally by both adults.”

“That’s part of the problem.” Katla sank back down. “I don’t know if Brandr is willing to put Linnea in our circle. I half-expect him to send her away if she so much as cries too loudly.”

“That doesn’t sound like my Brandr. Still, the circle of two is complete whether or not a child rests inside it,” Dalla said. “But you’re avoiding the main problem. Do you wish to have inn matki munr?”

Yes, with her whole heart. She longed for that deep connection with Brandr, to feel his voice echo in her soul and send hers to mingle with his. To breathe one breath, share one heartbeat. To know and be known. She ached for that close bond.

“I do.”

“Then you must stop holding back. You must risk letting him hurt you,” Dalla said, rising when the bell tolled to call them to night meal. “You can never truly love my Brandr or let him love you until you do.”

Chapter 32

Brandr slept through his welcome-home night meal. Katla tried to wake him, but it was rather like poking a bear, so she let him sleep. He needed rest more than food and drink. Even his friends were forced to drink to his health roundly without him till the wee hours of the morning.

Brandr slept past the cockcrow. He slept past the sun peeking through the overhead smoke hole. He kept sleeping when Katla wiggled out from under the bedding, dressed, and took Linnea to Una for her breakfast. Then Katla made her way to the latrine.

And discovered her woman’s moon had arrived a full two weeks early.

All the horrible memories of that first time with Osvald rushed back into her. He’d been dismissive when she told him she couldn’t welcome him to their bed. It was a small matter, he’d said, and ordered Inga to join him in their chamber. Katla was welcome to stay if she wished. She could watch. It might be instructive.

A piece of her soul had crumpled and died that day.

She slipped back into the chamber she shared with Brandr and stealthily found the cloths and lint she needed to keep from soiling her clothes. She was just smoothing down her underdress again when Brandr rolled over and smiled lazily at her.

“Come back to bed.”

“I can’t,” she said quickly. “Linnea is probably done nursing.”

“Una will bring her back when she’s done,” Brandr said, lifting the bed covering in invitation. His beautiful cock was fully engorged and ready, and the sight of it alone made Katla’s belly clench. “A morning swive never takes long, and I can’t think of a better way to start the day.”

“I can’t give you a morning swive.”

“Don’t want it quick? If you want a longer loving, that’s fine too. I expect we’ve already missed breakfast.”

“No, I mean, I want to, but I…can’t.”

Gradual understanding shaped his mouth into a silent oh. “No matter, then. But come back to bed, in any case. Once this day starts in earnest, it’s like to be a long one, and I’ve a mind to hold my wife for a bit before the world rushes in on us.”