Page 204 of Carousel

“You’re fading,” I say. She’s petering in and out like a flame under a breath.

I know you believe you have been greatly wronged. But you must hold onto what is real. Your love for me, was real – as was my love for you. Your love for your brother – as is his for you – is real. Even the love of your parents. You and Eric are their greatest joy.

I’m crying. “Stay,” I say. My hand finds hers but closes over nothingness.

I can’t. The bombs are falling now across the country. The Sky Treaty is broken. It is the death of peace.

“Stay,” I beg her. “Live here, in my mind. Where I can still see you. Speak to you. At least in my dreams.”

I am already in them, she replies.

“That’s not the same⁠—”

The death of peace, she repeats again. Which you have the power in you to revive.

She slips away completely.

I can feel the bombs. The ground reverberates around me. My whole body shakes. I’m swiped out from under my feet. On the ground on my back, I hear the crumbling of buildings. The screams of my neighbours and friends. A voice I’m sure is Cosmer’s mother.

I can smell the smoke.

I am the fear of my people, combined. I absorb it all. I can’t even cry, because if I started, I would never stop.

Everything good in me is shattering.

And then, I feel nothing.

A stillness and silence so complete, so unlike any other, that it must only be found at the ends of worlds.

I lift my hand, which had been in hers.

She has left something behind. A card.

I flip it over. The Card of the Choice.

Her meaning is clear.

The card isn’t done with me.

Because I chose the gun, not the oxygen mask.

But there’s one other choice I need to make.

CHAPTER 36

The Card of the Choice

I’m back in my own body. Staring up at the most beautiful brown eyes I think I’ll ever see in this lifetime. They have tears in them.

Cosmer throws his arms around me.

“Cosmos. Ara. You scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m fine. I promise.”

He lays his head on my chest.

“I thought I was losing you.” More urgently, he says, “We need to get on the ship. An engineer came by to say they’re locking all the pods now, so no one can get in or out.”