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“N-No. You don’t think that.”

Cosmer holds his hand up. “And even if Ephraine did play a part in it, he didn’t deserve to die without a trial. Or even for you to kill him without so much as a conversation with someone.” He backs up. Takes a step down the ladder. “Who are you going to decide deserves it next, Ara? What if, one day, you decide it’s me?”

“Cosmer,” I say, gasping. Because this is ridiculous. And terrifying. “You don’t…” I look up at the hatch. It’s so close that it could be miles away. “Let’s just talk about all of this when you’re sober⁠—”

“I am sober,” he insists. “Or at least, sobering. I can feel it. You used your magic on me again. It’s the same way I felt in the brig after you left – suddenly stone cold sober – which just makes me want it more. There are consequences to your actions – I’ve told you that before – but you just do things, over and over, no matter how many times I tell you not to⁠—”

Stay strong.

Stay strong.

Stay strong.

We are almost at the hatch.

“I’m not entertaining your huffed-up ramblings. Keep walking.”

“No. I’m staying down here.”

He takes another step down, tugging a hand down his scalp, which dishevels his tangled hair further.

“Because this is all fucked. Do you not see that? I’m going to a country where I don’t even speak the language. My mother is dead. Riss is dead. Our village is ash. My ship is gone – all the ships are gone. All I can think about is osimidite again. And all of it is your fault!”

Time stretches out. It’s infinite, and it’s cruel.

Cosmer wavers in and out in front of me. He’s standing under a light now, particles of osimidite lilting around his head like fireflies.

“None of that is my fault,” I say, cracked.

He looks up at me with those dull eyes with nothing but blame. Like it was me that drained the nutrients in them. Sucked them dry.

“From where I’m standing, Ara, it sort of looks like it is. I’m completely ruined while you get to go home – your real home – and be the queen of the man whose name you say in your sleep.”

My foot jerks off the rung like a reflex. The movement almost makes me slip.

I’m close to sobs, even with the traces of osimidite calming me, blocking me from feeling the sting of his words fully. “I don’t say⁠—”

“You did, Ara,” he says, in a lifeless way that will haunt me forever. “You did.”

So that’s what it all boils down to, under the flame.

He’s angry about everything else. He blames me for so much.

But it’s something I had no control over at all that’s unforgivable to him.

I’ve made many mistakes in my life.

I never thought falling asleep in the arms of someone I loved would be one of them.

CHAPTER 47

The Things We Want

Idon’t understand how time is continuing to move. It should have ended there, when Cosmer – the last person I had left in this world – left me shredded.

Yet, still, the planet is spinning. Still, seconds are slipping by.

And once again, I know I need to make a choice.