Something must have changed. Maybe one of the crew rustler’s speeches got to him. All I know is, the last time I saw him, he was in the air on the crew rustler’s ship.
Eric shouted the news to me while I was bringing in a haul to shore.
Cosmer’s enlisted. You have to come. Now.
Leaving my fish in the boat, I ran as fast as I could. The ship was hovering above the ground, whirring. Men and boys were crammed in the open doorway, waving at the crowds. And I saw him. His hair looked like flames in the sun. Something rippled in his fist – my ribbon. He’d asked to borrow it that morning.
I’m not sure if he saw me or not before the door closed, the ship rose, and he became a speck on the blue sea of the sky.
I shake off the memories. Try to say something to Sal, but it sticks like a fishbone in my throat. What is there to say?
I don’t blame Cosmer for enlisting as a soldier. It makes sense. He would have liked the idea of fighting for his country, and knowing his mother would receive the extra Provision she would have been entitled to from his service.
But mostly, he would have liked the thought of being part of something bigger than him. He didn’t have many other friends. And he hadn’t known his father, who was rumoured to be a travelling holyman – although Sal had never confirmed or denied that.
So, no, I don’t blame him, or even his mother, for not guessing his plans so that she could stop him.
The only person I blame, is myself.
I walk away, because if I don’t, I’ll cry.
After leading Babba over to the watchers in the Temple grounds, we join the other families already seated on their straw mats. Temple’s shadow creeps over the flat, barren ground towards us. It’s the tallest building in our village. An imposing structure, a block of stone with a belltower topped by a cactus garden.
Vikemy delivers Sermon with extra monotone today. He steps between us as he thanks us for our Provision for another week, which will sustain not only our village, but our soldiers in the sky. He has a surprisingly loud voice when he wants to. It carries over the tops of our heads. Gets into our skulls.
Sometimes, if I close my eyes, I can pretend I’m in the Palace gardens with my friends. Imagine it’s our tutor’s voice speaking, teaching us about world history or famous philosophers, writers, artists.
But when I open my eyes, there are too many differences for it to be a remotely similar experience. The presence of the watchers, for a start. The way their sharp silver masks catch the light as they observe us. The downcast gaze of my neighbours, because it’s offensive to stare directly into the eyes of a State Craftsman. The air, which reeks of sweat and saltwater and manure and fish and rot.
I look up distractedly, and notice several ships, black as bats and smooth as water, heading towards the sea. It’s unusual to see so many together.
What have they been sent out to do? Will we be safe?
As I lower my gaze, I catch the back of Sal’s head. It brings me back to another memory of her son. The last time we spoke.
He’d caught me that morning outside my house, hanging laundry and thinking about how hungry I was. I was thinner than ever. Our Provision was always minimal before I got better at fishing, and later, had Eric to help me. Barely enough to feed one person, let alone three of us.
I had to squint at Cosmer to look at him. His tall, lean frame was right in the middle of the sun. The sheet I was holding floated between us.
“Brought you some bread,” he said.
I dropped the sheet back into the basket to take the brown paper package he was offering me.
“Thank you.” I quirked my head at him. “Is everything all right? We haven’t seen you in a few days.”
“I can’t really think straight when I’m with you, Ara. And I had some things I really needed to think about.”
I didn’t know what he meant.
But he was reaching for me.
With one finger, he stroked the black silk ribbon I always wore in my hair to tie it over my right shoulder. It was the only possession I had from my life in the Palace.
Having him so close to my neck – my skin – gave me shivers. I tried to calm my heart.
“Can I borrow this?” he asked, quietly.
“Why?”