Page 80 of Carousel

Vikemy’s words, that had seemed so strange at the time, about people making sacrifices for me I didn’t even know about.

Barely above a whisper, I manage, “He… he couldn’t have. That would be⁠—”

“Crazy? Oh, we tell him that all the time. It gets worse, too – I mean, firstly, she sounds like kind of a bitch, from the very little he’s said about her. Too pretty and perfect, you know?” She hooks a short strand of her hair behind her ear. “But secondly – and this is the craziest part – this girl… she doesn’t even know.”

She stares right at me.

“Which is why – and I’m speaking frankly here, between two women, not between a prisoner and her keeper – I’d started to think you might be the solution. If he liked you – and he seems to, if I know him well enough – he could move on. Finally end his Sacrifice.” She shrugs. “Do you like him?”

“I…”

“Actually, you don’t have to answer that. Even if you did, obviously nothing could happen between you before you FI anyway, since prisoner relationships are against The Accords – it would be an Inappropriate Relationship. IR.” She gives me a weak smile. “Just food for thought for you. No pun intended.”

She stops talking. Looks around absent-mindedly.

I stand here.

In pain.

All I feel is pain.

A specific Rhavnan word comes to my mind. Croona. An ache in the heart put there by others.

So powerful it could destroy you.

PART TWO

Air

CHAPTER 15

The Communal Baths

All I can think about is what I’m supposed to do about Cosmer.

He’s been going hungry so I could eat for three years.

How do I fix it?

How do I ever repay the debt I owe him?

As a sixteen-year-old, I’d thought I was starting to, well, like him.

Then, I’d hated him. He’d been alive this whole time. Not to mention the way he’d let his bruised ego put all of our lives in danger on the way up here. And the fact he seems to keep upsetting, or at least, frustrating me.

So, how am I supposed to feel about him now?

I can’t imagine even looking at him, knowing what I know now. Let alone speaking to him, or…

Sleeping beside him.

Before I can respond – even think about responding – Riss breaks into a grin.

“Morale boosters!”

On her feet, she runs back down the rickety stairs.

Baffled – and still processing the bomb she unknowingly dropped me with – I follow.