Page 80 of Worth Loving You

I had no idea she was warning me about herself, though. Was that what she had meant when she tried to tell me? Was she, indeed, referring to herself?

Double betrayal! My boyfriend and the best friend I ever had. How could they? How could they have so little respect and regard for me, that they were having an affair right in front of me? Did neither of them stop and think, Hey, I love Chazzy, and this might hurt her? Did I cross their minds once while they were stabbing me in the back, going at it?

She called him Daddy! How disgusting was that? That was a level of intimacy that was more than just a couple of moments of weakness. She had to be lying.

According to Milo, they started fucking just a few weeks after I started fucking him. How could she? Why him? She had Gary, she had a beautiful, flawless body with perfect skin, bright blue eyes, and long blonde hair. She could have gotten any man in the world she wanted, and woman, for that matter. Why in the hell did she have to go after the only man who ever wanted me? Was I not allowed to have just one? Out of billions of men, I wanted one, and she took that from me.

“Hey, baby girl. Look at me. I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”

I rolled to my stomach, burying my face, sobbing so hysterically, the whole mattress was shaking.

Milo petted up and down my back, scattering kisses along my bicep and shoulder. “Chazzy, I’m thirty-eight years old. For almost twenty- five years, I have been hopping from one bed to the next, tagging girl after girl—”

“I got it!” I screamed into the silk covered feathers. Why the hell did he think I wanted to hear this now?

He huffed, his palm stopping while his fingers swept side to side. “I’m just saying, almost as long as you’ve been alive, I’ve been in a pattern. I’ve never cared about a woman enough to concern myself with her feelings. I…I don’t mean to sound like an ass, but it honestly never dawned on me the pain I was causing you.”

Sniveling, I rolled my face just enough to open one lid and peek at him. He flashed a weak smile, brushing my hair back.

“Every time I got caught, I just shrugged and moved on. Game over, start a new challenge.”

“Game?” I hissed, wounded at his choice of words.

“To me, yes, it has always been a game.”

“Oh my god,” I wailed, punching my face back into the pillow.

“I don’t want to hurt you, baby girl,” he whispered, scooting closer so his arm draped across my back, his chest laying on my bicep. “I love you, Chazzy. I really do. I just…I’m not used to being in love. I don’t know what to do.”

“Yeah? Well neither did I. I was a virgin until you, remember?”

“Baby.” He snorted and then kissed my cheek. “Sex and emotions are two different things.”

He sagged against me and grew quiet. After a long moment, I peeked at him again. He was staring at the ceiling, his lips tight.

“That’s something I learned tonight. When I saw how badly I hurt you, it killed me a little.” His focus flitted to me out the corner of his eye, his brow lifting. “When I heard you crying…Christ, I was gutted. I don’t ever want to hear that sound again.”

He heaved a sigh and dropped his head to the pillow, staring at my one eye. “I realized tonight just how deep my love goes for you.”

My pulse quickened, hope chasing away this horrible, icky heartache that was drowning my soul.

“Don’t be mad at me,” he whispered, his eyes shimmering in the darkness. “It makes me feel all gross inside. It’s hard to breathe and…” He gulped, his mouth pressed to my bicep, his stare beseeching. “Forgive me, Chazzy. I need you to forgive me. If you leave me, I won’t survive. I’ll fucking die.”

My head lifted, my breaths shallowing. “Really?”

He snorted and rolled his eyes. “You’re my soul, Chazzy. You take that away, I may as well put a bullet in my head, because I won’t live without you.”

I eased onto my side to face him. Trembling, I hesitated, but slid my fingers over his cheek. “You really love me that much?”

His Adam’s apple lurched, his eyes gradually closing at my touch. Covering my hand with his, he croaked, “You have no idea, baby girl.” He turned his face to press his lips to my palm and then held it to his chest, his sight returning to mine. “I’ll never hurt you again.”

It was a struggle to breathe, my heart fluttering all around my chest, my belly swirling. “Will you…get rid of the other girls?” I squeaked, holding my breath, terrified of the answer.

He shimmied closer, tucking his knee between my thighs. “If it means keeping you, yes.”

My heart lurched and I choked on an inhale. “Really?”

“Will you leave me if I don’t?”