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“I’m not sure. The conversation didn’t end with kissy noises, that’s for certain.”
“Well, if you did, I, for one, am glad. I was getting tired of talking to him. And I didn’t even have to sleep with him.”
“So, other than casting doubts about my mental capacity, what did Stephen have to say?”
“Nothing memorable; it was a conversation with Stephen. You know I only pay attention half the time he’s speaking. But do us a favor, and call him to settle things, so he stops pestering us? Uncle Seamus’s hexing hand is getting itchy.”
“I’ll call him and clear things up,” I promised. “Just not today.”
“And who, may I ask, is the person you are choosing to spend time with instead of our dear Stephen?” As I made an indignant squawking noise, she added, “And don’t try to deny it, I can hear that ‘I just did naked things’ quality in your voice.”
“I didn’t do naked things,” I said primly. “We were only seminude.”
It was true. Jed had left his socks on.
Penny gasped noisily. “Seminude as in shirtless?” she cried. “As in your shirt-hating neighbor? You got seminude with the gorgeous, shirt-hating neighbor?”
“I will neither confirm nor deny.”
“Well, it’s about time you started making stupid decisions. It was getting lonely out here on the ‘screw-up’ limb of the family tree.”
“And who told you that getting your boyfriend’s name tattooed on your ankle was a good idea? You were limited to men named Dave until you saved up enough to have it removed. Now, if all you’re going to do is mock my not-so-youthful indiscretions, I’m hanging up.”
“No, wait!” she cried. “Just tell me one thing.”
“What?”
“The last time you saw him, was he wearing ripped jeans and a muscle shirt?”
“No!” I exclaimed, before adding, “Not today . . . Did you know they call them ‘wifebeaters’ here?”
“Well, that’s off-putting.”
“Tell me about it.”
“No.” She pressed me. “You tell me about it. What’s this Jed like?”
“He’s just a nice man who lives next door.”
“And he’s good-lookin’?”
“Ridiculously so.” I sighed. “But nothing serious is going to happen, because that’s not why I’m here.”
“Right, the whole family expects you to shut yourself off from the waist down.”
“No, but I’m pretty sure Stephen would want me to,” I muttered.
“Well, that would be the only way I would survive sleeping with Stephen.”
“Shut up, Penelope.”
After several very expensive minutes’ worth of harassment from Penny, I hung up on her. But she did ask whether I would qualify Jed’s arse as “squeezable.” The woman had it coming.
Eager to shake off the images of Penny sexually harassing my neighbor, I went to the sink to start tea. There was a squarish window over the sink, with a pretty blue flower box outside overflowing with white impatiens, thanks to the work crews. I was loath to admit it, but I was afraid to look out the window into the back garden. The clouds had cleared, and even the half-moon was bright. And I was convinced that the moment I looked up, I would see a Chupacabra pressed against the window like a suction-cup Garfield doll. But damned if I didn’t accidentally look up anyway.
I shouldn’t have.
Near my brand-new arbor, I could see something moving. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. It stood on two feet and seemed human. The shape seemed thinner than last time, larger, but I was viewing it from another angle. It crept past the arbor toward the house. Gasping, I dashed toward my kitchen door and flipped the lock. I fumbled for the light switch, and the room plunged into darkness. The outlines of the trees stood in sharp relief without the interference of the kitchen light. The shape stilled, swinging its head toward the house. I backed away from the door, wondering if it was smarter to run upstairs or out the front door. Of course, this had to happen on one of my “powerless” days, so I couldn’t even work up the juice to neutralize whatever it was if it broke into the house.
