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“I think I’m going crazy,” I groaned, pouring a cup of tea for Jolene.
“Why would you think that?” Jolene asked.
“I think I saw someone in my back garden,” I told her. “I’ve seen it before. I think it’s a Yeti or a werewolf or something.”
Jolene cleared her throat. “Yeah, that would be . . . nuts.”
“I keep seeing this weird shape outside in the yard,” I said. “It seems to be watching the house but never comes close enough for me to get a good look at it.”
“It’s probably just an animal,” Jane assured me. “We get all sorts of weird critters around here. And some animals, like deer, don’t think twice about coming close to a house. Hell, if you’re not careful, they can end up in your house. Just ask my cousin Junie.”
“It was on two legs. It looked human. Just dark and hairy.”
“OK, then.” Jolene squared her shoulders and pushed the back door open.
“No, Jolene, wait!” I hissed as she stepped onto the back porch. Jane put a hand on my shoulder and shook her head. I heard Jolene take a deep breath through her nose and hold it. She looked back at Jane and shook her head.
What in the hell was going on?
Jane turned to me. “The Kerrigans. Those people you were talking about before. They wouldn’t know to look for you here, right?”
“I don’t think so. I mean, they have more resources than we do, financially. I suppose it wouldn’t take much to track me through customs, though it wouldn’t explain how they would know I’m renting this place.”
“Well, no more jaunts out of town without vampire escort. And no jaunts into the backyard after dark. Basically, you will do no jaunting of any kind. And we’ll talk to Dick about putting some extra security lights back here.”
I groaned. “Must we?”
“Yes,” Jane insisted. “And you two are going to have a long, clarifying chat. He’s let you stew about this too long. He’s wasting precious time being afraid of freaking you out.”
I frowned. “Beg pardon?”
“The other bruised boob owes you an explanation,” Jane deadpanned.
11
If you stumble upon a family ritual involving vampires, move along. They’re too odd and twisted to get involved with safely.
—Miss Manners’ Guide to Undead Etiquette
The next night, I secured the plaque dust in Jane’s shop safe. I opened the drawers in Uncle Jack’s cabinet, as if I could make the other two Elements appear by force of will. Two left. It had taken me nearly a month, but I’d managed to find two. I knew this was a minor miracle, and that I should have been thrilled. But the fact that Earth was broken into bits was more than a little disheartening. It had certainly taken the shine off being halfway to my goal.
I had another month. I didn’t know where to begin looking for the other two Elements. I didn’t know whether I could try contacting Nana through the die again. There had been ridiculously few clues in Jane’s sales records. So far, I’d skated by on chance. And I didn’t know how to kick-start chance.
“Nola!” Jane called. My favorite vampire’s head suddenly appeared in the doorway to her office. Her lips were twitching a little. I was so glad she could find amusement in my abject discomfort. “Can you come up front?”
Oh, right, the heart-to-heart with Dick.
That sounded wrong, even in my head.
“I would really rather not.”
Jane laughed lightly. “Look, I know what you’re thinking. Literally. And I promise you, this situation is absolutely nothing like the disturbing worst-case scenario that’s going on in your head. Could you please just come and talk to Dick?”
I peered up at her over my reading glasses, skeptical.
“I promise you, if you’re propositioned in any way, I will serve as your getaway driver,” she said, holding up her hand in a mockery of the Girl Scout promise.
“Fine,” I grumbled, following her to the coffee bar.
