Page 57 of Overkill

“I know.”

“You don’t have to spend the night if you don’t want to.”

“I wouldn’t spend the night if I didn’t want to.” He shrugged one massive shoulder, and maybe I did have a concussion, because it took a moment to figure out what the heck he meant. Too many negatives in one sentence. How many negatives make a positive?

“Okay…” I said. “And…”

My brows furrowed, unsure how to respond.

I wanted him to be clearer, because he made my head swim and my heart flutter, and it was confusing. I had never felt like this before. Not in a good way, at least. In the past, anytime my heart stuttered or my head got foggy, it was because I was scared or powerless.

Around him, I was neither.

“You…want to…” I trailed off. What could I say to help clarify what this was? Without sounding needy and desperate? Without sounding like the baby Luke said I was? Without scaring Greg away?

“I…want to…” He matched my tone, but it didn’t feel like he teasing me. “Kiss you.”

I gasped, watching as he put the mug down on the counter with a clatter.

“But I need to say a few things first.” He glanced at the ground. What was he ashamed of? “I wasn’t always the kind of guy I am now. I was…a pretty crappy person. I hit rock bottom. Made a lot of mistakes. Most of them involved women.”

He scratched the base of his neck, which I recognized as a self-soothing gesture. Was he worried about how I’d respond? Considering I was guilty of step-patricide, I didn’t really have a leg to stand on. Not that Greg knew.

“I’m telling you this, because when you find out, I don’t want you to be surprised.” He finally met my eyes. “I’ve been sober for five years. Mostly quit my vices. And women was one of them. I had to figure myself out.”

He placed his hand over his chest and rubbed the space above his heart, as if willing it to stay steady.

“It turns out that I don’t need women, and I’m okay by myself.”

“Oh.” My shoulders slumped.

This wasn’t anything after all.

“So when I say I want to kiss you, it’s because I want to have something real.” He ran a hand through his hair, pulling the strands from his man bun before unfurling it and trying to finger comb it again. “What I’m saying—really poorly—is…”

He cleared his throat. My heart pounded as I braced for rejection.

I didn’t know how desperately I wanted him in my life until right this moment. How much I wanted to try something with him. To have a relationship. To…not be lonely. It was like I’d forgotten the loneliness of my solitude until I realized another option seemed possible.

The longing in the pit of my soul twisted my guts as I waited for him to speak.

“If I kiss you…” He slowly dropped his hands to the counter as he leaned back on it, creating even more space between us. “I want it to be something.”

He shut his eyes and let out another long sigh.

“I know you’re young. You’ve got a lot going on.” He shrugged. “I don’t. So if it’s a no, that’s fine. If it’s not right now, then I can wait. But if it is a yes, then…I want it to be real from the get-go. I don’t want to kiss you until you’re ready for that.”

I was too foggy to grasp everything he was saying. It was like I was reading a piece of text over and over again, and…nothing. I had forgotten what words meant.

“That’s a lot of pressure on a kiss,” I said on a breath. I closed my own eyes, trying to figure out what to say next. “Are you…are you asking me out?”

Greg snorted. “No, baby.”

Oh…I guess I was really misreading everything.

He covered his mouth. “Sorry…I know you don’t like it when I call you that.”

“No…it’s…” I was surprised by my next words. “It’s okay…coming from you.”