Page 13 of No Going Back

“Oh. You sure?”

He’s already turning, walking backward for a second before heading off. “Yeah.”

I keep walking toward the dorm, staring at the ground the whole way, replaying every weird moment. A couple nights together, just us. Remy’s acting like a clingy girlfriend on her period.

---

I nearly shit myself when I push the door open.

“Surprise!” Hannah shouts, jumping out from behind the counter with a grin.

My hand flies to my chest. “Oh, fucking hell… Jesus Christ, Hannah…”

She giggles and barrels over, pulling me into a tight hug. “I missed you, Cole, you big bear!”

I laugh awkwardly, forced, and pat her back. “Yeah… you too. I thought you were coming back Thursday?”

She shrugs, stepping back. “I couldn’t wait any longer.”

I nod, closing the door behind me. Her stuff is already here, suitcase by the couch, like she’s planning to stay longer than a few nights. My heart drops completely. Now I wish we’d had those couple nights alone. Just to figure out whatever the hell is happening with Remy.

I frown. “Does Remy know you’re back?”

She shakes her head. “Nope. Surprise for him too.”

I nod slowly. “Huh.”

I slump onto the couch and wait for the inevitable. Hannah leans against the counter, smiling at me with a thumbs-up. I smile back, but it feels fake, heavy with guilt. She’s excited to see her boyfriend. She’s a lovely girl, really is, but Remy and I already slept together. Fuck. Why did I let that happen? Everything would be normal right now.

I stare at the door, stomach knotted, waiting for it to open. Remy could walk in ecstatic, happy his girlfriend’s back early… which a small, guilty part of me hopes he isn’t. Or he could go quiet and sulky like he has since Saturday, and Hannah won’t understand. Either way, I suddenly feel like the third wheel in my own dorm.

---

The door swings open and Remy steps in, plastic bag swinging from his hand, and Hannah immediately launches herself at him like a missile.

“Babe!” she squeals, voice high and bright, arms wrapping around his neck as she jumps.

Remy stumbles back a half-step, barely catching her as she clings to him koala-style, legs hooked around his waist. He lets out a tiny, startled yelp, exactly the same sound I made when she scared the shit out of me; mid-heart-attack level shock.

I stand quietly, moving over to where the bag slipped from his fingers and hit the floor. I pick it up and set it on the counter, trying to give them space, while pretending I’m not watching every second of this.

“I missed you so much, Remy!” Hannah says, peppering his cheek with kisses.

Remy doesn’t answer. Doesn’t laugh or spin her around like he usually would. He just stands there, frozen, staring at her with wide eyes like he’s seeing a ghost. Hannah’s smile starts to falter, confusion creeping in.

I step in quickly before she can read too much into it. “I think he’s in shock, Hannah,” I say, forcing a little laugh to keep it light. “It’s been a long month without you.”

She brightens again instantly. “Aww, you missed me, huh?” She rests her head on his shoulder, facing away from me now.

I turn back to the bag and pull out two tubs of ice cream… plain chocolate and salted caramel with toffee bites; my favourite… he got this for me. Then more stuff: bags of chips, the extra cheesy ones we always fight over on the couch, sour gummies, chocolate bars, and those little packs of peanut butter cups I only let myself have after big games. And… shower gel; the exact brand I’ve used since I was a kid, the one my parents used to buy me. Same scent, same blue bottle. I stare at it. Remy must’ve noticed I was running low, he’s never said anything about it before, but he noticed.

My heart rate picks up. These aren’t random things he grabbed, these are my treats, my habits…. things I don’t even realise I’m low on until they’re gone. He went out of his way.

I swallow hard and reach deeper into the bag to see if it’s empty. My fingers close around something small and cylindrical. I pull it out… it’s lube, travel-size, nothing flashy, but it’s lube. My brain flatlines for a second; then it slams back online with brutal clarity. The sulking, the clinginess, the “can we just chill for a couple nights?” The movie nights he suddenly wanted. The way he leaned into me in lecture like I was the only thing keeping him grounded. The thumb in my belt loop. The way he blushed when I tested him about Hannah.

He wanted to have sex with me again.

I spin around fast, holding the bottle up like it’s evidence in a crime scene. Remy’s eyes lock onto it instantly and his face immediately floods red, bright, unmistakable blush creeping up his neck.