Page 7 of Entranced With the Hellhound

I decided that I should just head home instead of worrying about Bishop. I’m glad that he is back safely from wherever they were. However, I’m too exhausted to play hide-and-seek with him tonight. I might snap if he ignores me, so it’s best that I just leave.

Yeah, just leave it alone, Blue.

CHAPTER 4

FOCUS

BISHOP

It’s always good to come home, but especially after a hard ride full of bullshit. We have a chapter of Hellhounds right outside of El Paso. According to our brothers, the Vasquez Family Cartel, or the VFC, has been real quiet lately.

Word on the street is that more than a few of their crew have disappeared. Some say it was ICE raids; others say it’s a rival cartel. We didn’t find out which one it was while we were there, but our brothers are definitely on red alert.

We did find out that Frazier was there a few days before we got there, but he was in the wind when we arrived. I have a feeling that whatever he’s up to has something to do with the VFC. And I’m pissed we didn’t figure out what it was.

Now that we’re back home, I know I’m going to have to talk to Blue. The last time we were together, I almost took her to my room. It would’ve been a mistake because she would’ve been expecting a commitment, and I know I can’t give her that.

However, if these motherfuckers keep looking at her, I’m gonna commit a fucking homicide. I can’t go killing half the members of my brotherhood. What kinda shit is that? But I know myself, and I know these motherfuckers.

I can’t claim her fine ass, then it’s a huge possibility that Blue will end up with someone else. I have warned every fucker in this club to stay away from her, but that won’t last forever. I don’t know what I will do if someone calls my bluff and gives Blue what she wants.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, Blue is nowhere to be found once I come out of my room. I know she was here when we came back because I saw her. Maybe it’s a good thing that she left. I have too much on my mind to talk to her rationally right now anyway.

I have information from my contacts to go through to see if I can find anything on the Vasquez family. So far, we don’t have much on them. The only tidbit of information that we have is from when Frazier tried to work with them before he got arrested. Because he got busted before the deal was completed, we didn’t have much intel on the cartel.

However, it was revealed that the leader was Sunny Vasquez, though. Our brothers have been keeping an eye on him, and he’s been staying put on his compound. According to our brothers, it isn’t unusual for him not to go anywhere because word on the street is that Sunny is a paranoid psychopath. He doesn’t trust anybody, including his siblings.

He keeps his circle so small it’s almost impenetrable. As crazy as Sunny appears, he is also smart. It will be hard to get fresh intel on him. As far as we can tell, he hasn’t done anything out of the ordinary yet, but we’ll keep eyes on him for now.

It’s surprising that everything on the home front has been quiet since we’ve been gone. I just knew that this Frazier shit was going to kick up the storm I’ve been waiting on. However, since it didn’t, I’ll just have to keep my wits about me and prepare for the worst.

After all, I've got plenty of experience being caught off guard. So being prepared is the best thing I can do. When my daughter, Erica, was put in danger, a lot of shit went down. We weren’t ready, and that was a mistake that I won’t make again. Despite everything, my baby girl got her happily ever after. But it pisses me off that she had to go through so much shit without me.

I haven’t been the worst parent, but I know I wasn’t the best one either. After my wife passed, I was a mess. Darla and Erica were my world. Even though we had some rocky times, I loved my wife.

We were young when we had our baby girl; hell, we were babies. Just hormonal teens finding out the hard way about becoming parents. But we still made something out of ourselves.

At the beginning, we were happy. Darla and I were married a few years after Erica was born, and we survived as a family until we didn’t. I was at the beginning of my career, and trying to balance being a lawyer, being a Hound, and being a husband and father. I wasn't good at it.

I wanted to be at the clubhouse partying when I had free time because I thought that was what I was supposed to be doing. I thought it was what I deserved. I was out running the streets until my wife had enough and kicked me out.

I’m man enough to admit that I wasn’t faithful to my wife, and I resented her for tying me down. I had to learn some hard lessons about loyalty and betrayal. But the hardest lesson is one I’m still trying to learn… grief.

I don’t know how to forgive myself for being so stubborn when my wife needed me most. I was so young and naïve. I thought I would live forever and that I would have time to fix what I broke. But I didn’t. Darla passed from cancer before we could reconcile, and I’ve regretted that every single day since.

It’s one of the reasons I can’t let myself get involved with Blue. She is just the kind of woman I need in my life. The kind of woman that I want, but I can’t let myself have her. I’m too old not to know what I’m capable of, and I know that I would break her heart, just like I did my first wife.

I’ve been single for too long, and I’m set in my ways. Blue wants a relationship, and I’m horrible at them. I royally fucked up my marriage and broke a good woman down.

I know Blue can take care of herself and she knows what she wants. She’s responsible, professional, headstrong, and sexy as fuck. She reminds me so much of what I lost, and what I don’t deserve to have again.

I want Blue, but I don’t deserve her. I’ve gone round and round with myself about this shit. I can’t let myself have a relationship with her, but I’ve done my best to stay away from her. But I can’t let anyone else have her either.

Fuck it! I’ll just focus on my work.

It’s been two weeks of nonstop work. Two weeks since I decided to ignore my yearning for the one woman I shouldn’t want. After thinking about someone being brave enough to call my bluff, I made it clear for the millionth time to every motherfucker at the clubhouse that Blue was off limits.

Yeah, I might be a bastard for that shit, but I don’t give two fucks. There’s no way I can watch the woman of my dreams be with one of my brothers. No, if she dates, it will have to be with an outsider.