Page 155 of Barinov

Laugh at his jokes

His scar was from the Hollow Kings’ initiation

Luca = MASTERMIND! He got you put in Miami!

You once told SHE once told him that even if she forgets everything she’ll never forget him.

No one is coming for you… find your own way out

I swipe at a tear, catching it before it can leave a salt-trail on the page.

It’s been three weeks since Luca dragged me out of my room and into his. Into our room. Three weeks since I’ve seen Razorback Stadium on my wall or felt anything close to home.

It’s all my fault.

I shouldn’t have tried to warn Cade. I should have been smarter, quieter. I should have known that in Luca’s world mercy is just a myth.

Zeke’s not allowed to see me anymore. Not since that night the floorboards soaked up his blood while Luca’s fists did the talking.

Now, I don’t exist. I’m only a ghost trying to inhabit my dead mother’s life. A life I don’t remember.

Luca’s patient with me while I play the part. When I tell him I’m not ready. And when I force the words I love you past the bile rising in my throat, he buys me all of Izzy’s favorite things.

My favorite things.

I hate him.

I hate the way he pulls me into his chest every night. How I’m forced to feel the beating heart of a man I should have stabbed with a fork at our first dinner date.

I hate the black silk sheets on our bed. How they’re so cold they sting my bare skin. A constant reminder that this bed is another cage.

I lie there, frozen while his fingers trace the ladder of my spine. I count the seconds. Count the shallow, terrified hitches of my own breath and pretend that I don’t feel the revulsion curling in my gut.

But I do.

I feel every inch of him.

So I close my eyes and wait for the room to dissolve. I pull the memories over me like a shroud, building a sanctuary out of thin air.

For a moment, I pretend.

I pretend that the hands roaming over my body are rough with protection and not possession. I imagine the calloused palms of my Hollow King. The man who’d burn the world to ash just to keep me safe.

In the dark of my mind, the suffocating pressure of Luca’s mouth vanishes. Replaced by the taste of Cade’s soft and lingering kiss. I can almost hear his voice. That low, steady anchor calling me sweetheart until the trembling in my chest stops.

I reach for Lex. I conjure the sound of his voice whispering glaza na menya, malyshka against my bare skin. Icy-blues demanding my eyes, my soul, my everything. I can almost feel myself falling apart under touches of the men who actually love me.

That love Bella.

Not Izzy.

I hold onto the vision until my fingernails dig into my palms. Fighting as hard as I can to stay in the dream.

But I always open my eyes too soon.

The warmth evaporates, leaving me stranded in the cold, black silk. It’s never Lex or Cade waiting for me in the darkness. Only the emerald eyes of a monster who thinks he’s won.

“Baby?” Luca’s voice snaps me out of it. “I have something for you.”