Page 208 of Barinov

“For how you’ve been with him,” I say, letting my eyes roam between them. “For loving my brother like he belongs to you too. Like he always has.”

Lex snorts into his mug, a low and gravelly sound like the answer should’ve been obvious. “He does, baby.”

Something tightly coiled deep inside my chest finally gives way.

“You’ve spent the last ten days putting both of us back together,” I tell them.

Neither of them says a word. They just stand there in the quiet kitchen, completely still, letting me speak.

“I know this hasn’t been what either of you imagined when we finally got home. You waited. Every time I froze, every time I pulled away… you just waited. And I’m sorry.”

Cade reaches up, his fingers warm against my skin as he gently brushes a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “You don’t owe us an explanation.”

“Or a fucking apology, baby,” Lex adds, snaking his arms around me from behind. “We’ll wait another ten days, hell another ten months if we need to.”

“I know,” I whisper as my chest caves. “But I want to give you one.”

“Baby,” Lex says, his grip tightening around me. “You don’t have to tell us what happened in there. Not if you’re not ready.”

I nod, but the truth blurts out anyway. “He never forced himself on me, not fully.”

“Thank God,” Lex whispers.

He releases a long and shaky breath. The exhale blowing against the side of my face. I reach up to swipe the hair out of my eyes, watching as Cade’s shoulders visibly drop. It’s a suffocating fear I realize they must have been holding this entire time.

“And Zeke never—” I cut myself off, shaking my head to clear the image. “Luca just wanted you to think that he did.”

“We know,” Cade whispers. “Zeke’s letter to Knox told us that.”

“Oh.” I blink, a little stunned. “That’s good.”

“And the reason I’ve been distant is because… well…” I ramble, the words tumbling out before I can lose my nerve. “Even though he never forced me to… you know… he still wanted me to be her, Izzy. My mom. And I got good at it. But near the end, when I tried to tell you where he had us…”

I gulp in some air and try my hardest to breathe through the memory, but it won’t fucking work.

“Baby, just relax,” Lex instructs gently, his strong grip stabilizing my hips from behind. “We’re both right here.”

I nod, releasing a shallow stream of air through my lips before trying again. “After his stupid proposal, I was so terrified that I wouldn’t be able to hold him back anymore. The thought of his hands or his mouth…”

Tears finally spill over, hot and fast down my cheeks. Cade’s thumb tenderly brushes the moisture away.

My voice cracks, but I force out the truth. “I had to imagine you. Both of you. Just to s-stay me.”

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Cade murmurs, leaning down to press a soft kiss to my forehead.

I take a ragged breath, anchoring myself to the feeling of Cade’s lips on my skin and Lex’s weight holding me steady. “But I don’t want to make you wait anymore.”

Lex freezes. Cade too.

“I don’t mean…” I swallow hard. “I don’t mean because I think I have to.”

I lean back, sinking fully into Lex’s broad chest and let him take my weight. “Because I want to remember what it feels like to be touched by the men who actually love me.”

Lex’s breath hitches in my ear, his hands flexing on my waist.

“Are you sure?” Cade whispers.

Nodding, I bite my lip. I tilt my head and wrap my hand around Lex’s neck, pulling him down to crash our lips together.