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A mirror shot of her from behind, kneeling on her bedroom carpet.

A pink-panties-clad hip.

A nipple. A tongue. Fingers going up under the hem of a skirt.

I swallow down the tide of nauseous, jealous bile rising up my throat. These emotions won’t serve me now, so I think they’re best saved for later.

Just keep taking pictures on my own phone, file it all away in my growing evidence folder, and repress anything that won’t fit in tonight’s slideshow.

Except that turns out to be harder than I anticipated.

Because, in between the selfies, the scheduling, the sexting, and the sweet nothings, I find a whole ‘nother thing. Their running bit. Their inside joke.

In March:

CONNOR: She made HERSELF a birthday cake this year. Who does that?

VIVIAN: someone with no friends and two appetites lol

VIVIAN: Eat-It-All Delilah

I remember that cake. It was lemon and lavender. I ate it mostly alone, because Vivian had a “rooftop soirée” and Connor got called into “the office” on a Sunday.

More follows. A whole genre of the stuff.

CONNOR: She tried to wear a strapless dress to the charity gala. I told her she looked like Andre the Giant in it, lol.

VIVIAN: ur evil lmaooo

My face starts to heat up. I don’t want to let them trigger me, especially not from a year and change in the past.

But I’m only human, and these two know where to aim to do maximum psychological damage.

VIVIAN: does she know

CONNOR: Know what?

VIVIAN: that those jeans make her look fkin massive

More.

CONNOR: She wanted to have sex last night. I said I had a headache, lol.

VIVIAN: ur so mean

VIVIAN: but also, like, save it all for me bb

CONNOR: I’m serious. It’s like, there’s more of her every year.

VIVIAN:

More. From a family trip to the Catskills on the Fourth of July:

VIVIAN: cn u believe she wore a bikini???

CONNOR: Wish she hadn’t.

I remember that day, too. I felt Viv’s eyes on me and got embarrassed that I didn’t have visible abs like she did.