Page 94 of Carson

“My mom was deaf.”

Oh. Now I really do feel like a jerk.

“Don’t feel sorry for me, because I don’t feel sorry for you.”

“Well, you should,” I snap back.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t know sign language like you. I’m not going to be able to talk to my mom.”

“Um, hello, I just offered to teach everyone.”

“Fortunately for you, you also got the smart brother. He’ll pick up on it fast, but me …” I shake my head. “I’ll never remember all that shit.” I pretend to sign what she just showed Charlotte, making a complete mess of it.

She doesn’t laugh at me like I thought she would.

“I wouldn’t have even graduated high school if it hadn’t been for Carson reteaching me everything at the end of the day. I’m slow. It takes me longer to grasp things.”

“Maybe I could give you private lessons.”

“I’m sure Carson would love that.”

“He would.”

I want to roll my eyes, but I know that she’s right. He would.

“Fine. If you can teach me one thing, I’ll consider it.”

She instantly scoots closer to me, taking my hands in hers and physically showing me how to do it.

“I love you, Mom,” she says out loud.

We do it several times before I’m confident I have it.

“I love you, Mom,” I say while using ASL.

“See, you did it. You can learn.”

She chatters about lessons and a schedule, but all I can think about is how soon this will be the only way to tell my mom I love her.

Luna pauses when she realizes I’m not listening. “It’s going to be okay, Cole. You’ll see.”

I wish I was as confident as her.

The door opens again, and I think we were both expecting Charlotte, but in climbs another little girl. One much smaller.

“Mila,” I say excitedly, letting her know she’s welcome. She immediately crawls up on my lap and gives me a big hug. “What are you doing in here?”

“I hiding.” She places her finger over my mouth. “Carson is it.”

Mila turns on my lap and stares at Luna.

“I playing hide and seek,” she tells her. “You want to play?”

Luna nods, tears spilling down her cheeks.

“Why you cryin’?” Mila whispers.