Page 109 of In Your Wake

My jaw tightens before I can stop it.

But not because I care. Obviously. Kayla touched everyone as if it were part of her job. So yes, maybe I noticed the way she constantly hovered around Mitch and maybe I noticed how she laughed too hard at his jokes or found excuses to brush against him whenever possible. But noticing her inappropriate behavior isn’t jealousy.

Hunter watches me carefully over his pasta. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” I stab at my noodles. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“No reason.”

Dad points his fork at me. “He’s right. Something’s bothering you.”

They stare at me with their knowing blue eyes and I hate how they can read people so well.

I hesitate. Not because I’m considering telling them the truth. Absolutely not. Hunter would have a coronary if he found out I hooked up with his best friend. And Dad… Fuck. The last thing I need is my father connecting me and Mitch like Bill and Joanne. No thanks.

“I’ve just been thinking,” I say finally.

“Uh-oh,” Hunter mutters.

I ignore him.

“About what, honey?” Dad asks.

“Life stuff.” My fingers tighten around my wine glass. This is something I should talk to Zayne about, but the kid’s been so busy studying for finals, I don’t have the heart to tax what remains of his free time. “Do you ever think some things aren’t meant to be, no matter how much you want them to be?”

Hunter’s expression shifts slightly. Always one to get into existential conversations, I bet he’s insanely curious why I’m bringing this up.

Dad wipes his mouth, then leans back in his chair thoughtfully. “I thought about that a lot after what happened with your mom.” He shrugs. “Life’s complicated enough, Max. Overthinking about things that are out of your control is a waste of time.”

Waste of time seems to sum up the last few weeks perfectly.

I think about Mitch leaving soon. To New York, Germany, wherever. Whatever comes next for him, hockey has always been his real home. He belongs in arenas and hotels and cities.

He’s not meant for Oakwhite, just like he’s not meant to stay here with me.

And even if he stayed, then what? We’d eventually destroy each other all over again.

I glance toward Dad, watching him eat. He’s quieter than I remember him being before Mom destroyed our happy family. It’s been years and yet there are still traces of that pain simmering beneath the surface.

I guess some heartbreaks don’t ever fully heal. The pain they cause just fades into the walls we build around our hearts. And I can’t let another heartbreak happen to me. I won’t. Because wanting someone is one thing, but trusting them with your heart is another. And Mitch already broke mine once. Even if he maybe didn’t realize he was doing it.

“You know what I think?” Hunter says suddenly.

“That this pasta needs more cheese?” Dad replies with a chuckle, reaching for the parmesan.

Hunter shakes his head. “I think that if you want something hard enough, then it’ll happen. But humans are weak and we give up easily.”

Dad starts to whistle When You Wish Upon a Star, and I giggle.

“No, I’m serious. Sure, we can say that some things aren’t meant to be, but deep down, it’s a matter of desire. If the drive is there, then you won’t let anything get in your way.”

“You mean like when you let Celia’s ex get in yours?”

He inhales deeply, calming himself, then releases his breath slowly and smiles. “I am life’s student. I am still learning. But in the end, it all worked out, didn’t it?”

“I guess,” I reply.

“So, if you want Tucker back, keep at it,” he adds.