Page 26 of Highland Spirit

“Alana,” he said, sounding very serious as he stood and arranged the logs in his arms. Trapper wandered off to sniff around, lifting his leg on the side of a wooden cart. “Why did ye do it?” he asked.

She knew what he meant but wasn’t ready to answer.

“I told ye, I do it to help out the servants.” Picking up her skirts she took a step in the snow but he moved in front of her to block her way.

“Ye ken what I mean. How could ye leave me standin’ alone on our weddin’ day? I thought . . . I thought ye loved me.”

Seeing the hurt in his eyes, she wanted nothing more than to pull him to her and kiss him and tell him she’d never stopped loving him, not even once over the last five years. But if she did that, it would only make more questions arise. Ones she couldn’t answer.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, staring directly into his eyes. “I never meant to hurt ye, Ethan. Ye have to believe that it’s true.”

“Well ye did hurt me. Deeply. I loved ye with all my heart, Alana. I was lookin’ forward to spendin’ the rest of my life with ye.”

“I ken. Me, too.” She had wanted that more than anything. It was a dream she’d had since she was a young girl. Alana had always been in love with Ethan, long before he even knew it. They would have had a good life together as husband and wife if her father hadn’t called for her to help him. At the time, she thought it was a temporary thing and that her mother would be rescued quickly. Then, she’d hoped to be able to come back to Ethan. But after she realized they were tricked and framed, everything changed. When her mother was killed, and all of them were taken captive, life had taken a horrible turn. She had hoped to find a way to make things right again but, unfortunately, that never happened.

Life isn’t always fair, she realized. She’d had no other choice at the time because she would do anything to help her family. Alana had held hope in her heart of someday being back with Ethan but, still, she was no closer to returning to the man she loved.

“Alana, look at me and tell me that ye never really loved me. Tell me and I’ll leave here and never bother ye again.” He shifted the logs to one arm and touched her shoulder with the other.

Alana squeezed her eyes closed, feeling her body tremble. She couldn’t say she’d never loved him. Not when all she wanted to say was that she never wanted to leave, and that she never dreamed she’d be in such a horrible situation. If Ethan knew about the smuggling, he would turn in her father who’d be put to death. Albert, Graeme, and the others who were naught more than pawns in this deceitful game would be punished or killed as well, she was sure of it. And she had no idea what would happen to her siblings, herself, or her daughter. Was this a chance she was willing to take?

She couldn’t let him know what was going on here. Not now, not like this.

Opening her eyes, she spied Albert and Graeme watching her from the guardhouse. While they were her friends, they still took orders from Diarmad. By having Ethan here, she was putting them at risk as well. Perhaps it would be better for all involved if Ethan left the isle.

“Say it,” growled Ethan, tempting her to do what she knew would send him and his friend off the isle, never to return. If he thought she didn’t want him, he would do nothing to try to save her. With them gone, the secret would be safe once again. She wouldn’t have to worry. Or would she? Because if she never saw Ethan again, she didn’t know if she could live with that either. Mayhap, instead, she should be asking for his help like her sister said. Right now, she was so confused that she didn’t know what to do at all.

“Are ye married, Ethan?” she asked, needing to know.

“Nay. When ye left me, ye took with ye a piece of my heart. I couldna love another.”

“Really?” she asked in a mere whisper, feeling her heart breaking. It was one thing that her love life was doomed by her decision, but she’d never meant to intentionally ruin his life as well. “So ye . . . ye dinna have a wife or . . . or any bairns.” She couldn’t keep looking into his eyes when she said it, and instead she looked at the ground.

The gentle feel of his fingers lifting her chin had her heart fluttering once again as she now looked deeply into his eyes when he answered.

“Nay,” he said in a whisper. “I had always thought we would someday have bairns together. I had always hoped that someday ye’d come back to me even though there were times I hated ye so much I swore I never wanted to see ye again. I waited for ye to return, Alana. I waited and wished and dreamed that we could someday still be together. But ye never returned.”

His words about made her cry. She felt the tears welling up and tried desperately to hold them back. Her lips trembled as his eyes turned to her mouth and he leaned forward to kiss her. She wanted this more than anything right now. Alana craved the feel of Ethan’s lips against hers. He lifted her mouth to his and their lips touched, sending a spark of desire through her. As the kiss continued, she reached out and put her hands on his chest. Warmth flowed through her and her entire body came back to life. It was a kiss of hope and of promise. This is what she needed to pull herself out of the dark place she was in and to find that light in her life once again. Their lips slowly parted and she thought they’d kiss again but, instead, this time he pulled away from her.

“Nay,” he said in a low voice. “This is no’ right. Ye didna wait for me, Alana,” came his angry growl. “Ye tricked me and played me for a fool, and I canna forget it.”

“What?” Her eyes popped open. “Nay, that’s no’ true,” she protested, shaking her head.

He dropped his hand from her chin and with it went all the warmth that had filled her moments before.

“Isna it? Ye ran off with another man on the day of our weddin’. Ye were only at the MacKeefe camp to distract us, while yer faither stole our livestock and tried to sell it to the MacDougals. We almost had a battle over it, but luckily our laird kept peace between our clans. After that, ye left quickly and without even a simple guidbye.”

“Ethan, it’s no’ like that! Ye’ve got it all wrong.”

He didn’t stop, he just kept on talking. “Ye birthed another man’s baby – the baby that was supposed to be ours,” he spat, sounding extremely disgusted. “And then ye hid here on this deserted isle for some godforsaken reason, probably livin’ in fear and shame for treatin’ me so bad.”

“Is that what ye think?” she gasped. “Ethan, everythin’ isna always just about ye.” His assumptions irked her since he thought he was the only one who had been wronged.

“How auld is yer daughter, Alana? Four? Tell me,” he ground out, demanding an answer.

“Well, aye, Isobel is four, but –”

“Och, I see it all clearly now,” he spat.