Page 12 of Jocked Up

“No, Peter. She can have her own room. But I might need some help with her for a while, do you think you’d like to help?” I was curious to see what he’d say. He seemed to be taking the news well enough but maybe he didn’t realize what a new baby meant.

“Oh sure, Mom. Whatever you need me to do. I’ll always be your little helper!” His eyes were shining bright with promise and love. I was all he had and sometimes that made me sad but when I saw his love for me it made it all better. My son loved me dearly and that was all that mattered.

“Good, that’s settled then. For now, we’re going to keep this a secret, alright? I want to surprise everybody when I think it’s the right time, but for now, let’s just keep this between us alright?” I didn’t know how well this part would work, kids weren’t the best secret keepers, but it was too late now.

“Oh, nobody cares about babies right now Mom. Mrs. Anderson got caught in the janitor’s closet with Mr. Courts and they didn’t have any clothes on! What were they doing with no clothes on Mommy?” Peter looked confused and I probably returned that look.

“Probably cleaning them out, that’s where all the cleaning supplies are, right? I bet they were cleaning their clothes.” Quick thinking. Why hadn’t I heard about this? I taught at the same school where Peter attended pre-school. There was a special section just for teachers with children. I must have really been wrapped up in my own world lately.

“Are we going out for ice cream after dinner? I want a banana split if we are. I like all the different flavors in those. And…” Peter carried on chattering as I got up to prepare dinner, a chore I’d need help with soon enough.

I’d managed on my own during my first pregnancy, only taking time off a week before Peter was born with the aid of a few online courses that term. When I’d come back from the hospital with him Amelia had come to stay with me for a week but then she’d gone back home. Life had been hard and I’d wanted to give in and give up a few times but I knew every class I took, every student I tutored for money, was feeding us and getting us a step closer to my goals.

We’d had some tough times until I graduated but I’d applied for a position at the elementary school in my hometown once I’d got my certifications and been hired immediately. Teaching French Immersion was interesting, challenging, and a joy for me and it had provided well for Peter and I. Now it would provide for his sister as well.

I didn’t have the panic and fear this time that I had last time but I had stress. I mainly worried about Drake finding out and coming back angry because I was “trapping” him or some garbage like that. I even worried that he might try to take the baby away from me. I wouldn’t allow that, even if I went bankrupt doing it.

Settling down I spent the rest of the evening taking Peter out for his ice cream and then we went and bought a few things for the baby. He liked picking out toys the most. He seemed pretty perceptive about what his sister might like and picked a lot of things in green and yellows, only a few in pink. This wasn’t going to be so hard, after all. I hoped.

Chapter Eight

Tapping a tooth with a very short fingernail I scrolled through pages online, looking for information about Drake. I was undeniably pregnant now, almost six months gone, and my hormones were in overdrive. I was crying one minute, building cribs and folding clothes over and over again. This will be the second child I’ve had, and this going it alone was starting to hurt. I knew it was my pregnancy making me nuts because I hadn’t actually told Drake about my growing little girl but still. Why hadn’t he come to the house and demanded an answer? Sent me an email, or even a letter? How could he just walk away?

The days were passing quickly, far too quickly, and I felt time escaping from me, making hours turn into days that blurred by. I wanted to talk to Amelia about it all but I’d been avoiding her and honestly I felt like my world was starting to fall apart instead of coming together. A frantic emotion spurred my actions, as though I was running out of time for something but I didn’t know what. I knew the baby was coming but I don’t think that was the “it” that was plaguing me.

I was about to click on another page, probably another one with little information about Drake’s current marital status, but heard a car pulling up in my driveway. I stood awkwardly, my belly already making movement somewhat difficult, and went to the door. Shit. Amelia!

I had all the lights on and Peter had the television on in his bedroom, she’d know I was here. Plus, my car was out there. Could I pretend to be asleep, perhaps? I paced as she walked up the sidewalk and I knew I was out of time. I was going to have to tell Amelia the truth. She looked awfully determined I thought as I peeked out of the glass of the door.

Leaning back against the wall I waited. There was no way out of this without being outright rude and I just couldn’t do that to Amelia. We’d been best friends from the start and the only reason I’d avoided her lately is because she was Drake’s sister and would tell him what was happening with me. I didn’t want that, I didn’t want the headaches, the stress, the pity-parties or Drake’s resentment because he was obligated to the child. I couldn’t deal with that.

I just wanted to stand on my own two feet and take responsibility for my actions. I didn’t need the happily ever after, I told myself, I just needed to raise my children and make sure they had a loving, happy childhood without the drama, the sorrow, and the pain that I’d had to endure. My father and mother couldn’t be blamed for any of that, life dealt them a really bad hand, but I could prevent a life of “uncles” that liked to stay in mommy’s room only to disappear when one of us decided to end it. I just couldn’t put my children through that.

I took a deep breath as Amelia knocked on my door and steadied myself. I plastered a fake smile on my face, hoping it looked friendly instead of garishly macabre and opened the door.

“Amelia, I wasn’t expecting you! Come in my love.” I was still trying to hide my stomach but when I saw the expression on her face I knew the jig was up. That look said, “I knew it!” You can’t keep secrets in small towns, not for long anyway.

I felt my shoulders sinking as I stopped pretending and closed the door behind her.

“I see the rumors are true then.” She murmured as she went straight to the kitchen. I knew she was going to make tea; that was her routine when she came to my house and she was upset. She’d go in the kitchen and make hot tea for both of us, whether we actually drank it or not.

“I suppose, if the rumors are about me and whether or not I’m expecting.” I sank into a ladder-back chair and propped my elbows on the glossy top of the oak table.

Swirling my fingers in a pile of salt I’d somehow overlooked I avoided Amelia’s eyes.

“I suppose it’s true about Drake too. You know I have to tell him.” Amelia had turned on the electric kettle I’d bought just for her and took down two cups. I could avoid her eyes all I wanted to, she wasn’t looking at me. Taking down two bags of chamomile tea she put one in each cup and turned to the island behind the stove and the counter. She still wasn’t looking at me.

My heart began racing at her words, that was exactly what I didn’t want, her running off to tell Drake. That was the reason I’d avoided her and not told her.

“Look, Amelia, I know you’re probably furious but it’s not Drake’s baby,” I told the lie with ease, hoping it would appease her.

“Oh come off it, Bethany. Who else have you slept with this year? Nobody! You haven’t even been on a date with anyone but him since Peter was born and you expect me to believe you’ve suddenly decided to take part in some kind of slut-o-rama? You can’t lie to me; I know you too well. I’m furious enough as it is, why didn’t you tell me?” I could see the hurt on her face, even though she was looking down at the counter with false fascination.

“Because I didn’t want this, you interfering and running off to tell him. I don’t need his anger or his false sense of obligation. I don’t want him coming back here because I’m pregnant or to feel like he owes me something. I’ve taken care of Peter on my own, I can take care of this one too.”

“But you haven’t raised Peter alone; you had me and your father to help you. Sure, we aren’t here 24-7 but we are here for you. Didn’t you think we should be with this one too?” Amelia finally looked at me and I knew I’d made a mistake. “Still, Drake has to know, that’s his child and my relative in your stomach. He has to know.”

“Amelia no, I’m begging you.” I didn’t get up but my body reacted, tears started to fall from my eyes and I couldn’t stop the sobs that came from somewhere deep in my chest. “I can’t handle having him involved, I just can’t. He’s hurt me so badly, you don’t understand Amelia, I can’t have him involved!”