Page 52 of Housekeeping

28

Laura

Jessi set the alarm pretty early, and it woke both of us up. We were close, and we didn’t feel particularly embarrassed, so we’d spent last night in the same bed, Jessi holding me as I fell asleep, and that was how we woke.

“I’ll go shower first,” she said quietly, slipping out of bed.

I watched her leave before I got up. I’d have to borrow some clothes from her for the day because I didn’t feel like taking a pit stop at my apartment. She was slightly plump from all the sweet things she ate, but then I couldn’t blame her for having a sweet tooth. She made a lot of desserts and pastries for events. I was sure that there would be something that I could fit into.

After she left the shower, I went in myself. Once again, it felt like my legs were too weak to support me, trembling under me as I stood in the shower. It made my lower lip wobble, and I bit down on it before I could start sobbing. I didn’t know yet if it was the fear making me tremble, or if I was sick again.

I hurried, just in case, and got out with a towel wrapped around me, to find Jessi already dressed and waiting, with clothes laid out on the bed for me.

“I had some new underwear,” she said, jumping up from the bed. “I don’t know if it’ll fit you too well but try it out. All the clothes are clean. I’ll go make breakfast now, and you can tell me when you’d like to go, okay?”

I nodded slowly, watching her closely. My friend was frazzled and worried. Her body looked like it was trembling just as much as mine. She was fully dressed, but her hair still stuck up in places, and I wondered if she’d tried to tug on it in frustration. Her hands fluttered a bit in the air as if she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do with them, before she clasped them together in front of her so hard her knuckles went white.

“Meet me in the living room after you’re done,” she finally said, leaving me to get dressed.

Slowly, I pulled on the clothes she’d left for me. As I’d thought, they were all a little big, but they still fit. The underwear must have been a little small for her, which was probably why it was still new, and it didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. I sat down on the bed for a few minutes to catch my breath.

Don’t be scared, I thought to myself. It could still be nothing.

I tried to encourage myself not to back down from this, because if the illness was back, I knew I’d have to be strong, even with Jessi there to help me.

By the time I moved to the front room, Jessi was finishing up on breakfast.

“Please, sit,” she said, pointing to the small dining table. “The food is all done now.”

I went silently to sit down and ate whatever she put in front of me. I would have to fast before surgery, but that wasn’t going to be today, and I was feeling hungrier than I’d been in days.

Breakfast was a quiet affair, and I hated it because it was nothing like us. We usually chatted about everything and anything. When we finished, Jessi silently got up to take the dishes to the sink and washed them all before coming back to join me.

“When exactly… do you…” she hesitated.

I sighed, moving to get up. “We might as well head out now. The sooner I get this over with, the better. My doctor agreed to see me when I went back as soon as she had the time, so there’s no point putting it off.”

Jessi let out a shaky sigh.

“Okay,” she said, getting up.

We picked up my coat, phone, and purse on our way out. Jessi was so distracted she almost forgot her key card inside. The trip down to the lobby was quiet, and we slipped out the staff entrance to where she’d parked her car. She unlocked it and we both got in.

“Which hospital?” she asked.

“Just drive, I’ll give you the directions.”

The car ride was as silent as we’d been the whole morning, broken now and then by my voice as I gave her the directions. I kept sneaking glances at her, and I felt bad to see her so distressed. She tried to hide it, putting up a strong front for my sake, but she was my closest friend, and I could read her well.

It was still pretty early by the time we got there, but I knew how early my doctor got into work. Jessi parked the car and we went into the hospital with me taking the lead.

My legs seemed to slow down the further we went like I was trying to put off the inevitable. We made it, and I stopped in front of my doctor’s office. Jessi came to a stop beside me.

“Is this it?” she asked hesitantly.

I nodded, and with a deep breath, knocked.

“Come in, come in,” called a familiar voice.