Page 20 of Mr. Principal

Chapter Four

“Mom, Mom. This one is so funny. What do you call a cow on the ground?”

I shrugged as I turned the wheel of the car. “I don’t know. What do you call it?”

“Come on, Mom. Try to guess. Come on.” I’d given Meredith a riddle and joke book for her birthday a few months ago and she thoroughly enjoyed reading a joke or two to me each morning while driving her to school.

“Okay, okay. Ummm, a sleeping cow?”

She laughed hard. Deep belly laughs that shook her whole body. Her laughter was contagious, and I started smiling too.

“Nooo,” she said in between giggles. “Ground beef. That’s the answer.”

“Ground beef?” I said, smiling. “Now that’s a good one.”

“Yep,” she said contently.

She had come home with a ton of strawberries after her trip with Becca. I knew we’d be having strawberries covered in whipped cream for dessert. Either that or we’d be having lots of smoothies.

I pulled into the drop-off line and she scampered out, running quickly to catch up with friends.

“I love you, pumpkin,” I called to her.

She kept on running and then abruptly turned around, blew me a kiss, and went running again up the school steps.

“That’s my angel,” I said softly.

I was about to pull away when I saw Carter chatting with a group of ladies. They started laughing at something he’d said and I knew instantly that the new principal was getting some very special attention.

I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t realize the van in front of me wasn’t going anywhere. To my chagrin, I went into it as I tried to pull away.

There was a loud bang and then a screeching sound as I attempted to dislodge the license plate from the van’s rear.

I gave up and prepared to be mortified and yelled at—the story of my life.

Ten seconds later, that’s exactly what happened. “What the hell? What in the holy hell? Did you not see me sitting there? What the hell?” the furious mom said as she stared at the damage I’d caused.

“It’s not too bad,” I said, once I summoned the courage to get out the car and look at it.

Her eyes widened, and I swore she was going to hit me at any moment. “Not too bad? Not too bad! There are scratches all over the back of my car. And look at my license plate. It looks like it was attacked by the Cookie Monster.”

I let out a nervous giggle. Cookie Monster? From Sesame Street? You could tell she had a young child.

“So you think this is funny?” She balled up her fists and I tried not to run away. “You suck, you know that, right? Thank you for screwing up my day. Now my insurance rates will go up and then how am I going to afford this fancy private school?”

I opened my mouth and then closed it. I didn’t know what to say.

“Forget it. You don’t understand.” She looked at my car and then said with derision, “If that vehicle of yours is any indication, you’re either the nanny or your kid is here on scholarship, so what do you care about tuition?”

Hold on. What was she trying to say? Was she calling me poor?

I narrowed my eyes, “Just because I don’t drive a stupid Range Rover doesn’t mean I have to take abuse from you.”

“Abuse? I’ll show you abuse!”

She stepped up and her face was only inches from mine. I’d never been in a fight before. I didn’t know how to throw a punch, but I figured I could just tackle her to the ground and bite her. Sort of like what toddlers did at the playground.

Before I had the opportunity to try my toddler style karate, Carter grabbed me by the sweater and pulled me away. He stepped in between us and said, “Ladies, how about we calm it down a little, stop exchanging insults, and not make a scene in front of the children.”