Page 64 of Mr. Principal

I gulped. “He was my boyfriend. What did you expect me to do? I woke up that morning and realized that I’d a made a mistake.”

He shook his head. “You considered us a mistake?”

“Yes!” I said too strongly, but my nerves were raw and my emotions were everywhere. I didn’t know. “I was embarrassed and ashamed about what we’d done.”

He stared at me in silence, and the judgment I felt made me tear up.

“You felt ashamed? Sorry that being with me made you feel ashamed. I didn’t know you’d felt that way.”

He stood up and turned and walked towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving. I don’t want to give you a reason to feel ashamed again.”

“Carter—”

“You’ve said enough, Dana. More than enough.”

“Don’t leave.”

But he was already gone.

I put my face in my hands and tried to just breathe. But I couldn’t think of anything but that night I’d slept with Carter and then left.

It had been cowardly of me. I hadn’t even left him a note. I’d just snuck out of his bed that morning while he was in the shower and made my way back to my dorm where I’d found Tom sitting there.

He’d confessed that he’d cheated. He told me that he hadn’t gone all the way with her. And of course, I hadn’t believed him, but I didn’t have a backbone. I’d felt guilty for what I’d done with Carter, but more than that I’d felt guilty that all the time I’d been with Tom, I’d always been in love with Carter.

And then to my surprise, Tom had asked me to marry him right then and there. He got down on one knee and proposed. And the ring had been a family heirloom. His proposal represented everything I thought I wanted in life.

And I’d found myself saying yes. As he’d hugged me, I’d wondered if he could smell the scent of Carter on my flesh. If I closed my eyes long enough, I could still feel the way he touched me and caressed me.

A few hours later, Carter had stopped by my dorm and he’d found Tom there. And I’ll never forget the look on Carter’s face as Tom referred to me as the future Mrs. Duran and told me to show Carter the ring.

Carter’s face had registered shock and the hurt I saw in his eyes when he looked up at me made me so sick, I felt my stomach clench.

“Congratulations,” he’d said softly and then he’d walked away. I’d never forgot the look on Tom’s face either. He had looked… victorious.

Part of me died that day. I’d been ashamed of what I’d done with Carter but I hadn’t regretted it.

I looked for him and found him in the library. I’d tried to apologize to him, but he hadn’t wanted to hear an apology and he’d quickly changed the subject. He was still friendly, but I knew that our act and my accepting of Tom’s proposal had changed things between us. There was no going back.

The last time I’d seen him before he’d left the country, had been at my wedding. He’d danced with me. And I remember thinking how I’d wished it had been Carter as my groom even then. But I’d buried that memory because it had made me feel guilty… guilty that even at my own wedding, I’d been thinking of what it would be like to be married to Carter.

And now I would never know.

I stood up and walked to Piper’s couch. I tossed my feet up, buried my head under a throw pillow and sobbed.

My life was a mess. And I had no one to blame but myself.