Page 4 of Somebody To Love

In silence, I slid off the stool and made my way to the exit, trailing behind Dana, lost in thought. My stomach was topsy-turvy, and I knew at any moment that I would probably be sick. I told Dana to give me a second and made my way to the bathroom.

I went to the mirror and braced a hand on either side of the sink and told myself to just breathe. I wasn’t a homewrecker. I did not date married men. I didn’t. I wasn’t that type of woman. Yet suddenly I was. I believed the girl. What had her name been? Jessica? Yes, I could tell that it had hurt her to come here, to confront me. I readily believed everything she said. She had no reason to lie. And it wasn’t her fault her dad was a no-good cheat. I felt dirty and cheap and a myriad of other unsavory feelings.

I forced myself not to cry, but I couldn’t help the single tear that escaped. Frustrated, I swiped at it. I didn’t deserve tears; I had been the other woman even if I hadn’t known it. I had ruined a marriage, broken up a family. I was the worst of the worst. I cried, unable to hold back the tears. My parents’ marriage had been crap, my brother was a serial cheater, and now I was an adulterer. It was like we as a family couldn’t do anything right.

When I finally stopped crying, I washed my face and looked in the mirror at my bloodshot eyes. I wiped at them, but there was no use. Dana would know I had been in here crying. With a sigh, I made my way out of the bathroom. Dana was still waiting for me where I had left her in front of the other entrance door. When she spotted me, she rushed over and this time it was she who wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

“You ok?”

“No. I’m an adulteress.”

She shot me a glance. “So, you believe the girl?”

I nodded. “There’s no reason for her to confront me and make up a lie unless she’s some sort of crazy person.”

“I checked Google. That high school did have a graduation last weekend and Jessica Lazarus was one of the attendees. I even found a few of her social media pages, Instagram, Facebook, etc. And Jerry is in a lot of her pictures. In fact, he seems to be a very involved father.”

I snorted. “Of course, he is. When he’s not bonking some random woman who isn’t his wife, he’s daddy of the year.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far.” Dana stopped me then and it wasn’t until that moment that I noticed we were standing in front of Dana’s car.

We had ridden together to the show. She unlocked the door and I slid into the passenger seat, grateful for the reprieve.

I felt suddenly self-conscious. I didn’t know why. No one else had overheard our conversation. But I felt as if the world had witnessed my shame.

“I had no clue he was married. I never suspected a thing. I feel so stupid. So so stupid.”

Dana sighed. “It’s not your fault. Sometimes men are dicks. Just be glad you found out now and not seven years into your marriage.”

I swallowed. Dana was talking about her own previous marriage. I still felt guilty about Dana’s marriage to my brother Tom. Tom had cheated on Dana while we had been in college and I had never told Dana. At the time, I had thought that she wouldn’t have believed me. When she found out years later that I had known about Tom’s infidelities but hadn’t told her, it had almost meant the end of our friendship.

I hadn’t a clue if Tom had cheated on Dana while he was married to her, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he had. He was my brother, but we had never seen eye to eye. He had always been an entitled jerk, playing with the emotions of others, so it hadn’t come as a surprise to me when he ended up leaving Dana for a nineteen-year-old named Becca. Ironically, Becca had pulled a fast one on Tom and had left him not even a year into their marriage.

Tom hadn’t remarried. He was living in Miami now working in real estate. Or maybe he was a producer? I couldn’t keep up with his career changes or his questionable lifestyle decisions, not that I wanted to.

“Do you think his wife knew? Oh god, how do you think his daughter found out? Do you think she’s been following him around the whole time?” I had so many unanswered questions circling my brain.

Dana shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. And you’ll probably never know. Tom never admitted to cheating on me while we were married, but you and I both know that he probably did. And often.”

“I feel so stupid.”

“Why?” Dana said taking the nearest exit to my home. “You didn’t know. So don’t blame yourself.” Dana paused and then said half to herself, “Unless you saw some warning signs and ignored them.” She stopped at a light, turned a concerned gaze on me and said, “Tell me you didn’t. Tell me you didn’t see signs and just ignore them.”

I shook my head as I thought back to my relationship with Jerry. We had only been dating six months. And I hadn’t noticed anything weird about him.

“I mean, he always came back to my place. I never once went to his. Is that a warning sign?”

“Umm… yeah. What was his excuse?”

It was my turn to shrug. “He said he was embarrassed of his apartment, that it was disgusting, and he didn’t want me over there. He said his roommate was a slob.”

“Well, your first error was dating someone in his thirties that still has a roommate and your second error was not realizing that his secret roommate was really his wife and kid.”

I winced. “What should I do? It’s not like I can send her a card with an apology. And should I confront him?”

“I would love to throw something in his face or punch him in his nether region, but I’m sure that’s assault. So maybe we shouldn’t confront him.”

“Not WE. Me.”