Page 31 of Protecting Her

Another sigh and I tapped my fingers against the table. A new song in my head, already. It could be like that, you know? One day, you couldn’t write a song if your life depended on it, and the next? You just couldn’t stop writing.

I pulled out a napkin, fished around in my coat pocket until I found a pen, I always kept a pen in my coat pocket, and started to write. I had filled up two napkins by the time she came back with my drink and dinner.

“What are you writing, sweet cheeks?” She slid the plate in front of me gently and put the glass down behind the plate.

“Just a song.” I didn’t want to go into much more than that, but she got this amazed look in her eyes.

“I do know you! It’s been bugging me since you walked in, but I couldn’t place where I knew you from. You’re that singer on YouTube! Ember! Oh my god, girl! I hope you’re up here doing an album because you need to be!”

I stared at her, my own mouth hung open, as she talked. She knew me? From my videos online? How?

“I’m, well, I’m supposed to start one, but…”

“But what? Girl, you can’t let a voice like that go unheard!” She stared at me, her eyes taking inventory. “Is it a man?”

“Probably. Yes.” I felt awkward, but she seemed like she was the kind who gave good advice.

Pam looked around the diner, it was mostly empty, and then sat down across from me. “If a man is worth it, you should do what it takes to make it work. I’m thirty-nine-years-old, and this is what my life will be. I chose the wrong guy, the wrong path, but I didn’t have the talent you have. You have to find a way to make both work.”

“I could do that, if I went back to Nashville.” I picked at my sandwich, my thoughts a whirl in my head.

“Would that be a bad thing?”

“I left. I made a choice, based on information I thought was good. Now, I’m not so sure.” I plucked at a string of cheese and took a bite of it while she thought.

“I’m not going to pry, but it sounds to me like you need to work things out before you can move forward. And, baby girl, with that voice? You’re going to move forward fast. You just have to sort out what’s behind you. And he’d better be worth it. You’ve got a fan for life now.” She patted my hand and stood up. “But let me stop butting in. Eat your meal. You need your strength.”

She moved away, and I smiled as she went to another customer who had just walked in. What a sweet woman. With some really good advice to give too. I’d known it since the moment I left. Running away had not been a good idea. It had been a very stupid idea, in fact.

I had been so caught up in protecting my heart, I’d done the one thing I was afraid of someone else doing. I’d broken it, all by myself. I hadn’t needed help.

Kevin hadn’t deserved the way I’d treated him. The man had proven he cared about me and what happened to me, time after time. Not just with money or sex, but in the way he thought about me, the way he always protected me, and the way he held me. Men who didn’t care couldn’t hold a woman like that, surely?

I knew he must have loved me, he had to love me.

I finished my sandwich and ordered a piece of chocolate pie for dessert. A glass of wine came with the pie, and I grinned. Only in New York would you get wine at a diner. Pam gave me another smirk as I sipped at the cold, pink liquid. Not muscadine, but whatever.

I tried to decide what to do. Go back and surprise him? Would he even speak to me? God, I hadn’t thought about that. Maybe he was so angry that I’d left like that he wouldn’t want to see me? Maybe he wouldn’t welcome me back with open arms.

Damn. What should I do? I could try to text him, but that didn’t seem appropriate either. Call him? I ate the pie while I thought about it.

I had signed a lease on the apartment, but maybe I could get out of it since I’d only been there for a week? I wondered if there was a clause about that somewhere, one that said I had time to change my mind. I had a feeling there wasn’t. Housing was expensive, and empty rentals didn’t stay empty long in the city that so many dreamed about calling home. I’d barely found the loft apartment at all; my agent’s cousin owned the place or I would've still been looking.

Maybe I should keep it though? Just in case Kevin didn’t want me and I had to come back? Or, if he did, it was still somewhere to sleep when I was in this part of the world.

I wasn’t sure.

I knew I’d lived my life on the fringes, and I’d always left choices up to those I’d deemed adults. Even when I was stealing money from my mom for food when I was a kid, I’d waited until I knew for certain she wasn’t going to go out and buy any. She might change her mind, through the haze of drugs, and try to take care of me.

Then, I’d been little more than a doormat for Graham. He’d made the choices because he was the man, and he was the one in charge. I hadn’t protested, at least not until the end. I’d decided to let others choose for me. And Kevin had done a lot of that too. I’d let him choose so much for me because I was afraid of my choice.

Well, now it was time to make a choice for myself. I’d decided to come to New York, and that had been a stupid idea, but now I could make it all better. I could make a choice that was right.

I picked up my phone, got rid of the dozen notifications that were on my home screen, and filed through my contacts until I found Kevin’s number. I selected his name and hit call. I waited, my nerves strung tight and my foot tapping against the floor. I’d die before he picked up, I just knew I would.

Kevin

“What do you mean, you can’t find her?” I growled into the phone and clenched my fist. I could feel a knot form in my jaw as anger poured into my veins. Why couldn’t people find one woman in New York? It wasn’t like people were hard to track now; everybody had cell phones, right?