Page 29 of Dark Secret

“I’m okay. I’ll be out in a minute,” she shouted, her voice strangled by tears.

“Let me in, babe.” I held my hand to the door and turned the knob. She didn’t protest, so I went in. She was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, a towel clutched to her face.

“Don’t look at me,” she said from behind the towel. I pulled that down and took her in my arms. Her face was red, her eyes were still streaming, and her nose was stuffed up.

“I won’t look at you, but you’re still beautiful, my darling. You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong. I know we both have our secrets, but let me hold you, at least.”

“Nobody’s ever … fuck!” She gripped at the panels of my shirt and sobbed deep and hard.

I’d break whoever had made her cry, as soon as I found out who it was. Had she been about to say nobody’s ever held her while she cried before? I’d break her family too, if any of them were still alive.

Fucking bastards, to leave such a wonderful person out in the cold, with nobody to lean on when she cried. It occurred to me that maybe some of Stephanie’s strength and stoicism came from never being loved properly.

“Have you never had anyone to hold you when you cried, babe?” I asked, breaking past my own barrier to invade her privacy.

“No, I’ve just, I’ve never, well, no.” She kind of skated around an answer, before she finally just gave me a simple one. I pushed her hair back and looked at her in her watery gray, but still lovely, eyes.

“You do now.” I picked her up and carried her to the bed, to our bed. “You were here for me when I needed you. I’ll be here for you. Always.”

I crawled into bed with her and held her until she fell asleep. She didn’t sleep long, but she needed it. When she came back into the kitchen an hour later, I’d left the bed and had a simple meal on the stove. I put a pile of spaghetti on each plate and spooned some sauce she’d made and left in the freezer.

I was on my way back to the table when my left leg just gave out. It went totally dead, and I went down to my knees. I managed to save our dinner, but Stephanie and I stared at each other. I could feel the fear I knew I couldn’t hide. It was reflected in her eyes.

“Dylan?” she asked softly. “What’s wrong?”

She came and took the plates from me, and I leaned down to the floor. I moved around but could not get back up. My left leg was totally numb. Gradually, after a very long, terrifying wait, it came back to life.

“Sciatica, I guess. I’ll, uh, I’ll call my doctor tomorrow. It’s fine now. Don’t worry.” I sat at the table and stared at my plate. I was too embarrassed to lift my eyes. I was also afraid to see pity there. I knew she would never be disgusted by any of this, but I knew she’d pity me. Pity might break me, and I wanted to avoid it, if I could.

“Let’s eat. Really, I’m fine now.” I’d have to wipe up the floor later, some of the sauce had hit the tiles, but it would wait. For now, I had to sort Steph out. She had enough to worry about without worrying about me.

There wasn’t a lot that could be done for me. Which was one of the reasons I’d wanted a contract. I didn’t want Stephanie to fall in love with a man who might not be around for the rest of her life. I took a deep sigh and ate a bite of my spaghetti. It wasn’t worth worrying about, and the spill had reminded me of something I’d tried really hard to forget.

I wasn’t a whole man. I wasn’t completely sick, but I wasn’t well either. Stephanie didn’t need a burden in her life. I would become one eventually, and no young woman should be faced with that either.

No, it was back to the contract after tomorrow. Maybe back to the doctor too. We took a long swim in the pool after that and spent some time reminding each other why we were together. Stephanie had an amazing body, and she knew how to use it well. In the supportive weight of the water, it was easier to move too, and I managed to get us both where we wanted to go with little effort.

Later, after a shower and a kiss goodnight, I went back to my office and turned on my laptop. My symptoms were getting worse. I’d email the doctor and find out if he was worth the money I’d paid him. He wrote prescriptions for whatever I needed and sent them to whatever pharmacy I asked him to. His specialty was my problem and he knew travel wasn’t the greatest thing for me, so he did as I asked.

I typed up an email, detailed what had happened, and fired it off to him. Not long after that, I got a reply. New medicine would be waiting for me at the pharmacy in the morning. Great, more medicine. I was hoping he’d tell me to increase one or the other that I was already on. Not add a new one in. Oh well, I decided. I might as well give it a try.

Emily

Dylan was in his office, trying to get some work done. He wanted to let me sleep in peace, but I doubt I’d get much sleep tonight. Not any that was restful anyway. I’d checked my mail, before I came up to the apartment last night.

It was my habit to read the mail in my car before I went up, throw away what I didn’t need and hide the rest under my car seat until I could deal with it or take it home. Dylan was rarely in my car, but I didn’t want to leave mail in the glove box, just in case he checked in there for something. I didn’t want him to go looking for a napkin and find a letter with my real name on it. I still hadn’t figured out how to tell him that.

I’d been in a good mood, going through the stack of envelopes when one caught my eye. It was from my brother. I’d thought it was odd that he sent me a letter, rather than emailing me, but when I read the contents, I understood why.

My brother, the man who had been this demigod in my eyes, my whole life, had officially cut me out of the family. I was not to contact any of them, at any time, not even our parents. It was signed by my father and Trent.

I didn’t know how he’d managed to get Dad to take his side on this, but he had. The rest of it was official documents, detailing how I’d still remain part of the family’s business dealings, but my role was as a silent, unheard, totally ignored partner. I didn’t exist, except for when it came to accounting details. I was no longer a member of the family.

I knew it, Trent had said those words to me, but I hadn’t thought he’d go through with it. I thought he’d changed after he married and settled down. He’d become nicer, calmer, and much more loving. To the rest of the family, at least. Now, he thought I was a traitor and had disowned me. That cut me deeply.

I’d cried in the car but had stopped after a while. I didn’t want anyone to see me crying like a baby in the parking garage, so I left the mail under my seat and went up to see Dylan. I’d tried to pretend everything was normal, but it wasn’t. It was terrible!

I’d been comforted when he took me in his arms and tried to soothe me. Nobody in my life had ever done that for me. I couldn’t even remember my mother doing it. Not even when I was a little girl. There’d been an occasional hand on my arm, or an arm around my shoulders, but I couldn’t remember anyone ever hugging me to comfort me. Now, if they’d needed comfort, it had been totally different.