Page 10 of Dark Rules

I couldn’t get that out of my head at all, because I knew it was true. I was his now. That whole display, the way he’d refused to go any further, the way he’d shown me what I could’ve had, had blown me away. I curled up on the bed, and the smile turned into a grin. I put my head under my hand and felt a slight nag of pain on my wrist. I pulled it up to my face to look at it.

I’d left the lamp beside the bed on and could see clearly that the skin wasn’t marked, not really. A faint line remained from where I’d pulled against the clamps, but that would go away within an hour or two. The pain would go too. What would remain was the memory of how he’d pinned me to that wall.

It had been a thrill, and I’d been afraid, for only a moment. The fear had changed as he’d touched me, to a fear of him to a fear of myself. I’d wanted him to do things, things a woman shouldn’t want a man to do. We should’ve been gratified at our whim, wasn’t that what we’re told now? Waiting, denial of gratification, that was abuse, wasn’t it?

No, my brain argued, it wasn’t abuse at all because I knew that denial would totally be satisfied as soon as I brought him a contract. He’d briefly given the reason that I now thought was the reason he denied me. Consent.

I had to explicitly state my consent. Now that I’d thought about it, I remembered the way he’d completely honored the line in our other contract, despite my pleas, that he not engage in penetrative sex with me. I’d wanted to save that for … something.

It hadn’t been some silly notion of the right ‘one”. I’d just wanted to wait until I was ready. Until I knew that it was the right moment. I’d begged him more than once now. I’d already decided he was who I’d waited on for so long, and it was just a matter of consenting, quite clearly, that he was.

I was more than sure. I knew with every part of me that he was the one I’d wanted to have sex with the first time. He was the man I wanted to be the one to take my virginity. But … a frown form between my eyebrows, wouldn’t I feel that with anyone who %had aroused me? Was it really that important to have the right first time?

What if I hated him in six months? Wanted him dead? Would I still feel right about it? I laughed at myself, not because I couldn’t imagine hating Dylan James, because I could; I laughed because I knew it was thoughts like this that had kept me a virgin for so fucking long. Whether I hated Dylan in a month, a week, or not at all, I knew he was the one I wanted to have intercourse with, in the fullest sense of the term. Not because he would appreciate the gift I’d given him, but because virginity was something we were born with. We should think of our first time as a gift to ourselves, not to someone else.

I was, in effect, gifting Dylan to myself. That made me laugh all over again, it was so silly, but it was true, nonetheless. Dylan’s cock inside of me would be my gift to me. I’d managed to hang onto this part of me for a long time. It hadn’t been taken from me, nobody had forced me to give it to them. I’d had the most out of this whole thing, now, I’d take that to Dylan and give myself the moment so many would wish they could have.

I hummed along with the song on the radio as I closed my eyes for minute and rested. I’d been so anxious all day, ready to get to the good part, and now I was tired. I had a feeling that would be a familiar feeling with Dylan. It wasn’t just the physical things we did, but the way he made me think, contemplate things, before I answered or acted. I had to be sure of what it was I was doing before I did it with him. I knew that now more than ever.

I heard my phone buzz and glanced over to see it was a message from Roxie.

She’d put a bunch of goofy emojis behind the question, and I laughed.

I added a few silly faces of my own and waited. She’d called me instead of texting me this time.

“What the hell is wrong with you, woman?” she laughingly asked and groaned in dismay.

“I know, I’m stupid. It was a moment of madness, what can I say?”

“You can say sorry! Girl, I’ve been waiting all night to hear about it, and you pussy out on me?” Roxie could be quite blunt and plain when she spoke sometimes.

“I know, I know. It was … an experiment.” I finally sighed and told her the truth.

“And what did you find out from this experiment, missy?”

“That Dylan wants a contract. He won’t touch me until then.” I left out the part where he’d clamped me to the wall and got himself off in front of me to prove the point, but it replayed in my mind.

“From the sound of that sigh, he did more than send you home, but I’ll let you keep the details to yourself. When do you see him again?”

“Tomorrow. We’re supposed to go to another club. That new one that you told him about.”

“Ah, good. You’re going to like it.” She sounded as if she had a secret that she’d wanted to keep, and I felt my face scrunch in question.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing,” she replied, but I heard the smirk through the phone, “just that it’s going to open your … well, eyes.”

“I don’t think my eyes can be opened any wider, Roxie. Not really,” I said doubtfully, but she just laughed.

“Oh, my little love, you just don’t know.” That chuckle was dirty, but sexy.

“I don’t, huh? What else is there to learn? Mouth goes here, fingers go there, this goes in, that comes out. It’s pretty basic.” Even I knew I was oversimplifying it, but what else could I say?

“You’ll just have to wait and see, dearie. For now, I have to get back to work. Freddie is here, and he has some friends with him tonight. It’s going to be busy. They’ve all got the hots for that new girl, whatever her name is.”