Page 12 of Winning Her

When I first realized I had a crush on him, I was in my pre-teens. I’d had fantasies back then, that maybe there was a hole in his life, which was why he was acting as he did, and I could be the one to fill that hole his mother had left. I would be the one to soothe the anger he felt toward his step-mother, who ended up replacing his mom in his small family. I saw how he distanced himself from his family after that. He wouldn’t let his step-mom anywhere near him after she had her first child with his dad—a son at that.

I imagine Trent probably felt like he was being replaced. He’d isolated himself from his family, and from her most of all.

I winced just thinking about it. I couldn’t comprehend just what he felt because it was foreign to me. I’d only ever had my parents growing up, and no siblings. My parents had been kept by their duties a lot of the time, and I’d come to know pretty early on that they couldn’t look after me all the time.

The thought had pushed me to gain some independence. I didn’t want to depend so much on them because it felt like I was just a burden to them.

Still, there was never a time when I thought that I wasn’t loved equally by both of my parents, even when we didn’t get to see a lot of each other.

I let out an explosive sigh, coming to a decision.

“I’ll have to keep helping Mom when she needs me,” I muttered. “I can't exactly get out of that. I just have to stay out of his way.”

I wasn’t a servant at the Thompson mansion, but I knew where all the servant entrances were and I could go back to using them like I had when I was a kid. Emily would notice, but I could always just give her some excuse.

I decided to completely work Trent out of my system. There was nothing else I could do, was there?

Childish fantasies and whims aside, even if I could somehow get him to let me in, there was no way I’d be able to heal a man who was so full of himself and his anger that he forgot the rules of common courtesy.

It was probably pointless, and more importantly, I couldn’t do that to myself. I drifted into sleep, the quiet of the house a balm to my aching soul.

5

Trent

Fuck. That was a bad move, Trent.

I knew what I was doing, even as I did it. But somehow, watching Jessi trying to pick herself up after she’d just given me a look like she was horrified was something I’d wanted to walk away from. There were better ways I could have done it—less harsh ways.

Why had I even said that? As if ignoring her wasn’t bad enough! I’d wanted to bang my head against the nearest wall because I knew there was no way she wouldn’t have heard me. And I’d hurt her deliberately.

But I couldn’t stop myself. Old habits die hard and all that bullshit.

I could remember what our teen years were like. Even though I hadn't thought of her in a long while, the memories came to me with such clarity. I could even remember the last time I’d talked to her. I remembered down to the last detail of what she’d been wearing and how she’d done up her hair.

And afterward, her broken-hearted expression after I’d left her.

Fuck, but I’d been an asshole back then. I haven’t changed much from that, have I?

I’d wanted to turn back as soon as I’d said those harsh words, but I’d forced myself to keep walking. Because I wasn’t sure what I would have told her anyway.

Plus, there was the fact she’d changed. And not just a little bit, but a lot! That she was suddenly so breath-taking didn’t help, and I wasn’t sure I could talk to her without staring at her body, and that would be inappropriate. She’d offered me her heart on a platter, and I’d tossed it back in her face. There was no need to confuse the poor girl by suddenly acting all interested.

Besides, she was beautiful now; so what? I’d had my pick of the most beautiful women in the world, there was no reason why Jessi of all people should have my mind all muddled just from one look at her. I didn’t need a pastry chef to fulfill my sexual needs. And the only reason I even knew her current occupation was because Dad had brought her name up a couple of times and mentioned it. I wasn’t sure when it happened but for some reason, it had stuck with me.

Or maybe it was just because this was Jessie. Besides Dad and the older servants who’d stayed at the mansion forever, she was the only other person who remembered my mother had existed. My step-mom and half-siblings… I wasn’t sure if they’d ever seen her in pictures. Dad hadn't got rid of them, but he’d moved all of the pictures of Mom we had hanging around, insisting instead that they be locked up somewhere he wouldn’t have to see them unless he went looking for them.

I would visit that room sometime during my stay. I’d taken some pictures of Mom when I’d left but I didn’t have nearly enough.

I planned to put Jessi out of my mind very quickly. Even though when I first saw her after so long, I’d felt a twinge of desire, unlike anything I’d ever felt before with any other woman.

Maybe it had been too long since I’d been with someone, I rationalized to myself. I’d been working for months on end now, using my hand for relief. After the whole deal with Dad was done, I promised myself I’d go looking for someone. It wouldn’t take me long to find the companionship I needed.

Besides all that, I needed to focus on the current problem I found myself in. Because for all I knew, my dad could be dying somewhere, and my nitwit of a sister wasn't very forthcoming with information. I wanted to know which hospital he’d been taken to. There were quite a few within the area, but I could always go to the nearest and start asking from there. I would ask the staff, but if Emily was keeping quiet on it, they probably didn’t know.

I suddenly just wanted to get out of the house. I didn’t want another chance encounter with Jessi.

I might as well unpack. I went back for the suitcase I’d left in the trunk of my car. Ted, who was still waiting at the door, held his hand out in silent offering to carry my bag for me. I just shook my head and walked past him. Like I’d let an old man carry my luggage for me when I could do it just fine.