Page 27 of Rough Ride

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “You’re right, I’m not the same person I was. When I was younger, I would have gone in guns blazing to keep you safe. I sure as hell never would have let things get this far.” When he wiped a hand over his face, he wasn’t shocked to find tears had started falling from his eyes.

“When we were kids, you seemed so… adventurous,” she said with a small laugh. “You brought color into my black and white world. Like that scene where Dorothy first arrives in Oz. You were the escape I needed from the hell that was my house… this house.” She gestured to the room.

“You were that for me too,” he admitted. “I’d been on the move for so long. Changing houses, schools, siblings, parents. Nothing was ever the same for more than six months. I knew that no matter what, my feelings for you were a constant. You were my rock. The one thing I wanted to hold on to.”

“We had lives where we could be that for each other,” she said. “I was strong and confident in the course my life was taking. Like a ship on the ocean. My compass pointing north. You blew in like the wind.”

“Blew you off course?”

“No,” she countered. “Urging me forward. It was for that, I fell in love with you. That was ten years ago, though. Now… you’re not the wind in my sails, Kye. You’re the edge of a cliff. Dangerous. Terrifying. You’re the end of the line.”

“That doesn’t change how I feel about you, though,” he said, looking up at her. “Eli, I was, am, and always will be completely in love with you.”

“I know,” she whispered, still clutching her throat. “I don’t… I don’t know if I can say that back.”

Had he stopped to think about it, he would have known that was true. He’d followed her life this last decade, but she’d moved on, hadn’t she? It was his fault. He’d intentionally kept himself hidden from her, and now he had to face the consequences. In the last ten years, he’d become nothing but a stranger with a familiar face to her.

“You know who I’ve become,” he said, regaining some of the strength of his composure. “I’ve become a criminal, a liar, a kidnapper. I’ve killed people, sold drugs, smuggled weapons, and now I find I’m involved with a club that traffics women…” He sighed heavily.

“Those are things you’ve done,” Eliana agreed. “I’m not sure that it’s an exact description of who you are, though.” She wrapped her arms around herself feeling cold as he stared blankly at her. “I see other things in you. You still have kindness. I see it in the way you treat me. Morality. You know right from wrong, trying to find the greater good even if that means bending and breaking rules. I see it all the time in the courtroom. You’re hard like you’re made out of stone, but there’s still gentleness. You still have a heart hidden under all those scales.”

Kye held his hand out to her, and she hesitated before taking it. Gently pulling her toward him, he placed her hand on his chest over his heart. “It’s there,” he assured her. Rising slowly, his hand still laid over hers, he looked down into her eyes. “Is this a man you can love? Not for what I was, not for what we used to be, but as I am now?”

Eliana didn’t answer at first. She didn’t want to lead him on, so she took her time considering his question. Staring at his hand which lay over hers, the size difference between them amazing her. That was Kye, wasn’t it? He trumped her in every way. Outsized her, shielded her, barricaded her from the world. Where once he’d set her free, now he kept her concealed.

“I don’t know,” she answered finally. She could feel his heart pounding beneath her hand. “I’ve only just realized I need to let go of who you were. Give me time… time to learn who you are now. Maybe, when your boss isn’t considering killing me.”

“I won’t let that…”

“Let that happen?” she interrupted, looking up at him with round eyes. “I’m trusting you. My life is in your hands.” At the declaration, his love for her trust, he felt the sudden weight of responsibility. Lifting both of her hands to his mouth, he kissed them.

“Your life is in my hands and my life,” he started before placing both of her hands over his heart, “is entirely in yours.”

* * *

Kye woke with a start when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. It took him a moment to reorient himself. At first, he couldn’t remember where he was, and the dark room did nothing to help. It wasn’t until he felt the body stirring next to him that he remembered.

He and Eliana had stayed up half the night talking and must have fallen asleep while reclining on the headboard. She was tucked under the covers next to him facing the wall, so he did his best to slide out of bed without disturbing her. It was raining outside, and as she’d left the window slightly ajar, there was a dampness to the air that made him shiver when he stood.

His phone was lit up with a text from the burner phone he’d been texting for the last several days. It was good news. Short on allies, Kye was grateful at least one thing was coming into place. Looking down at Eliana, he pulled the covers a little higher over her shoulder and dropped a kiss to her temple. While he desperately wanted to climb back into bed if only to feel her warmth against him, he knew he had work to do before morning.

When he moved toward the door, his foot caught on something. Cursing under his breath, he managed to stop himself from tripping. Retrieving the intrusive object from the floor, he found it was the diary Eliana had discarded from the night before. He tucked it under his arm as he made his way downstairs. In the living room, he flicked on the single lamp in the corner and set to invade her privacy.

Eliana hadn’t been lying. The first third of her diary had been eloquently written rants and babbles about her application process to Harvard. He could track almost to the day when they’d met. Even the color of ink she wrote in changed from black to blue, although he doubted that signified intentionality.

I met a boy today in SAT Prep. I’d seen him a few times, but we hadn’t spoken directly. I don’t do very well with boys, especially attractive ones. His name is Kye, and he’s beautiful. I’ve never seen eyes as blue as his. All icy and cool with darker rims. Like an iceberg on the Caribbean. The way he told Missy off made my whole year…

Kye found himself smiling at the memory. Part of him was grateful she had been as affected by him when they first met as he was with her. If only she felt that way now. His heart constricted painfully when he remembered her admission that she didn’t love him and didn’t know if she could.

He read through a few more memories before he stopped himself. Hadn’t this been exactly what she was talking about? They could spend their days reminiscing about their past, being angry at the years they were cheated of, or they could accept the way things were now. The way they were now.

Sitting back in the armchair, Kye let himself feel a moment of grief for the childhood they no longer had. He also had to admit to himself maybe he was living for the past too. Was that the source of his reluctance to give anything up? He seemed to be expecting an awful lot from Eliana without much in return. He was expecting her to operate on promises and trust when her life and livelihood hung in the balance.

Although she didn’t know he knew, Kye had monitored the emails she’d been sending and saw the letter of resignation she’d sent her law firm that morning. Even Eliana was aware that should they both survive this, there was no going back. While her name wasn’t on the records, she had still participated in freeing a long stream of criminals. Maybe it was her conscience, but she wouldn’t be able to just forget what she’d done here. Like it or not, her hands were dirty too.

Readying himself to put the book aside, he satisfied one last curiosity and read her final entry. Expecting it to be something near prom, he was shocked to see it was a recent entry.

Hello Old Friend, it began.