Page 21 of Rough Trip

“How could you leave us here?!” he could hear them yell at him.

“I couldn’t help it,” he’d cry out. “I’m trying, I really am!”

“You should be with us!” they’d all cry out at the same time.

In his dream, he would agree with them, but still, nothing would change. He’d watch his teammates die once again. Sometimes he’d wake up before anything too graphic happened, but other times he’d still be there after the dust had settled from the bomb and all he could see were body parts scattered around him. He would scream in his sleep, sometimes it would wake him up.

He thought he would never know what a proper peaceful night of sleep would be like ever again.

He carried the guilt of being the only survivor with him every day, and when he woke up from his dreams, he’d be covered in sweat, with his heartbeat racing in his ears. He had constantly woken up feeling tired while his muscles would scream at him. He knew he had probably been tensing his body throughout his dream, probably also thrashing around in his bed throughout the night. There weren’t many nights where he had a peaceful night’s sleep. He had begun to think he would never sleep peacefully again. He had thought about going to see someone about his sleeping problems, but he felt it wouldn’t help. Unless they could remove his memory, he would be stuck just the way he was.

When he woke up the next morning unable to remember having had a dream, he was a little stunned. He hadn't slept so well in so long that when he lay next to Mia, he tried to cherish the one peaceful night's sleep he had had while she was by his side. His body didn’t feel sore, and he wasn’t covered in his own sweat, which was extremely pleasant. He didn't want to sound insane and say it was thanks to her that he had managed to make it through the night without having a horrible dream, but a part of him knew that it must have had something to do with her being there. He felt so at ease when he was around her, and clearly, her charm worked on him even when he was sleeping. Although it was nice to wake up from a peaceful night’s sleep, he couldn’t sleep with Mia every night just to avoid his bad dreams. It didn’t work that way, and unfortunately, he knew it couldn’t happen again.

He had woken up before her and decided it would be better for him not to be in bed with her when she woke up. He had spent the night with her, and already that was crossing the line. He knew he should have slept somewhere else. The house had other rooms he could've slept in even if it had been the couch in the lounge, but Mia’s soft skin against his had been almost impossible for him to leave and so he had ended up staying. He ran one finger slowly down her one exposed arm as he just wanted one last touch before he would have to leave her. She sighed in her sleep, and her eyes flickered a bit, but she didn’t wake. She appeared to be a heavy sleeper. Sage tried to compare something to how smooth her skin was but nothing came to his mind. He wished he could stay there with her but he knew he couldn’t.

He got out of bed and had one final look at Mia, he took a mental picture of just how beautiful she looked while she slept, it seemed that she was beautiful no matter what she was doing. She lay naked under the covers with just her arms showing as they were cradling her face on top of her pillow. The sun was shining through the curtains so she was slightly lit up. To Sage, it looked like she was glowing, especially her hair that didn't look as black in the sunlight but a very dark brown. Her lips were slightly parted as she breathed deeply in and out, still hypnotized by whatever dream she was having. It was hard for Sage to see her like that, vulnerable and unaware of the effect she had on him, he was finding it hard to keep himself detached, but he knew that he had to. He hadn’t loved anyone since Laura, and he doubted he ever would. She had been the love of his life, and he never wanted to feel like he was letting her go by letting someone else in. Sage knew that that was one of the reasons why he wouldn’t let Mia in.

It wasn’t just about work like he tried to convince himself it was, but it was more about the fact that he would never get the future he had planned and he didn’t want to just replace the girl in his future. He felt like letting Mia in would mean he was replacing Laura. He knew they were two very different people who were nothing like each other, but it felt like he could never have a future with anyone because Laura hadn’t gotten a chance to have her own future and a future with him.

The sex was amazing, and he couldn’t deny that whenever she was around him and touching him, he was completely intoxicated by her like nothing he had ever experienced before. She had a pull about her that his body was just drawn to, like a moth to a flame. He knew it would only end badly and as much as he enjoyed it he would do anything to make sure he didn’t allow his feelings to get involved because he could not end up getting attached to another person who may leave him. He had to keep reminding himself of that. It's just a fling, he told himself, hoping that would make him feel better about the situation. It didn't. As hard as he tried, he knew Mia could be good for him. He had seen it so many times since they had met. She was stronger than anyone he had been with but he still didn’t want to risk it. His emotions in the past had only brought him pain and he could not do that to himself once again, not willingly at least because he knew the outcome.

He knew it would be better for both of them for it all to stop. They were both there for business and it would only end in disaster if anything went wrong between them like most things had in his life. He wasn’t sure if he could risk it. He had a duty to the Screaming Demons, a duty to Fiona and he could only imagine it ending badly for all parties if things went sour between the two of them. He had searched for a purpose for so long after the army that he would not risk what he had made for himself within the Screaming Demons. He knew they respected him because he didn’t try to make himself out to be bigger and better than them. He rather tried to get to know them as friends so he knew they’d always be comfortable around him, even in difficult situations.

He headed to the bathroom so he could shower and clear his mind. He turned on the water and waited for steam to fill the bathroom before he stepped into the shower. He had always enjoyed making an almost sauna effect while showering and he loved to shower in extremely hot water to get rid of the sweat he was usually covered in. As he proceeded to wash his hair and wash his body he convinced himself that he was also washing the last bits of Mia away, off of his skin and hopefully out of his mind but he couldn't help but replay the night before. He could almost feel Mia around him. He closed his eyes and sighed picturing Mia naked. His body reacted to the images almost instantly. He knew he should not be thinking about her like that, especially if he was going to try to stop things between them but the image of her laying in his bed only a few feet away wouldn’t stop running through his mind.

What he'd do to be next to her, kissing her, touching her and inside her… You need to forget it, he told himself. Mia was sexy, and he found her extremely attractive, which definitely did not help his case. He knew that being so close to Mia on a daily basis would definitely become a problem, but he also knew that he could not get out of the house due to Fiona's strict instructions and so he would have to try and stay busy in an attempt to keep himself away from her. He finished in the shower and then got dressed as quickly and as quietly as he could to not disturb Mia. Luckily she had stayed fast asleep.

He made himself a coffee and sat quietly in the lounge. He had never bothered himself with the task of making breakfast in the mornings. He could survive until midday without eating. He had learned in the army how to preserve himself for long periods of time. It hadn’t been days of course, but he could hold out on food for a good few hours. He usually had a big lunch and a big dinner to make up for his lack of breakfast. He couldn’t say he was a good cook, so he didn’t end up cooking much, but he tried ordering healthy meals whenever he could. He knew it was important to get the right amount of nutrients into his body. He had to maintain a healthy lifestyle so he could maintain his physical strength. He was fortunate enough to have been born with a pretty strong body without much training, but he loved the adrenaline he would get from a good work out. He continued to sip his coffee, and just as he was about to head out, he quickly placed the mug in the sink.

He noticed that Mia had started cleaning around the house and as much as he tried, he would always be in too much of a rush to bother cleaning up after himself. He tried to remain tidy and neat in his room, but he sometimes left dirty dishes lying around. He had grown up in a family where his mother was a stay at home mom who would clean up around everyone. He felt a little guilty about it, but he wasn’t used to having to clean up after himself even though he was a grown man.

He left the house and decided to distract himself with work. After all, that was what he had been sent there to do, not fuck Mia, even if it had felt great at the time, better than great he had to admit. He tried to focus on work, looking after the club, and making sure everything was running smoothly. He had started to monitor the Omens that were in town but hadn’t found any suspicious behavior, so it seemed everything was under control. He would exchange emails and calls with Grier that had to do with the chop shops and some of the other work he had started doing on the side. He knew it was dangerous, but he knew what he was doing, so he was never worried about getting caught. He had trained to be a sniper when he had been in the army. Although he never went down that road, he still knew how to be sneaky if nothing else. Grier had trusted him with the projects, and Sage knew he would stop at nothing until it was done.

Day in and day out, Sage tried to continue with his previous plan, keeping his distance from Mia. He had tried and failed in the beginning, but he knew this time he had to make it work. He had begun to constantly leave for work before she would wake up and he’d get home as late as possible so she would already be asleep. The house may be big, but there was no way to avoid her if he didn’t try. He was lucky that he worked for Grier and she worked for Fiona. That way he knew he was unlikely to bump into her during the day while he was out and about doing jobs and such for Grier. He couldn’t deny that he had started to miss seeing her every day but he still had a strong sense that he was doing the right thing. After all, she seemed to have gotten the sense that something was up because she hadn’t done anything to confront him about the situation. Maybe she also knew it was for the best, but he didn’t know. He would sometimes smell her perfume through the house as he returned home, which made it extremely hard because in those moments he wouldn’t have minded just curling up next to her in bed while she slept.

It had been working so far as Sage had managed not to bump into Mia in a few days but it had begun to take a toll on him and so he decided to stop for a drink at the bar on his way home. He was completely taken aback when he walked through the doors and saw Mia standing and laughing with the new Hell Kats near the entrance of the club.

He did not know what to do because he had not expected to see her there. He knew she wasn’t a big drinker because that was something they had in common, but he could tell she had been having a good time, she had a smile across her face just before she saw him and only then did it change into a blank stare. Clearly, he wasn’t the only one who was a little shocked. He had no other choice but to just ignore her. In his mind it was the only thing he could do that would stop anything from happening and so as he walked right into the bar and continued to walk straight past her, making a beeline for the bar without looking in her direction. He tried to keep his eyes on the ground so as not to risk looking at her. He had already gotten a glimpse of her when he walked in, and that was almost enough to unravel him. He had definitely missed her smile and the dimples that formed on the sides of her cheeks. Stop it, Sage, he yelled at himself internally, he couldn’t break now.

Shit, he thought. He had gone to the bar to get away from her, and yet there she was, looking as beautiful and as distracting as ever. Just ignore her, he told himself, don’t let her presence get to you. He could tell she was following him with her eyes as he walked past her toward the bar. He could feel them boring into his back as he took a seat at the bar. Sage made the mistake of turning around to look at her face and immediately regretted it. Her face just screamed hurt and pain, and he hated that he had caused it, but he had to do what was best for both of them, and he felt that it was best that nothing would go anything further. He knew it hurt her, it would hurt anyone, but if she understood it from his point of view, she would see that he was just trying to stop her from getting hurt further down the line. Unfortunately, she couldn’t read his mind and Sage knew she would hate him going forward. He thought that having her hate him would make everything a lot easier because then at least she would stop trying to pursue him and it would give her a reason to look for someone better than Sage. He just wasn’t ready to be emotionally involved with anyone yet and unfortunately, he didn’t think he’d be able to admit that to anyone.

He did not want to hurt her on purpose, and he knew if he had just kept his distance in the first place he wouldn’t have to act like he didn’t care about her when he actually did care about her. He probably cared about her more than she thought but he knew that it would work out better for both of them if he didn’t lead her on. He hoped she wouldn’t stay long, he really didn’t want to leave just yet because the bar was a good way to distract himself. He had never been a bad guy, he had never mistreated a woman, and so he could sense that Mia was going to be the first person who felt that way about him. He hated that he was now making a bad reputation for himself.

He watched in the mirror that ran along the bar as she stood at the door for a few seconds. She had turned to look at him once again, and he could see her reflection clear as day in the mirror. She still had a look of shock and hurt written all over her face. She had gotten the message though because she didn’t try to talk to him and she clearly didn’t want to stay because she then turned and said her goodbyes to the Hell Kats and left. Sage felt bad, but he was also relieved. If she had come up to him and tried to talk to him he would have had to be dramatic, and he didn’t want to cause a scene in the bar in front of everyone. He knew no one would get involved if he had, but he did not want to embarrass Mia in front of so many people, especially considering they were supposed to be working with each other and not against each other.

As Sage sat at the bar, the rest of the Screaming Demons there welcomed him. Some people had noticed the exchange between himself and Mia, but no one dared to say anything. Soon a whiskey neat was placed in front of him. He was already respected, and each bartender knew what he drank.

“Thanks, man,” he said to the bartender. Needing a sip as quickly as possible to calm his nerves after seeing Mia standing there just minutes ago.

“No problem, sir. Needing a quick drink before you head home for tonight?” the bartender asked.

He was a friendly enough bartender, but Sage was in no mood to talk. However, he didn’t want to be rude. He was never rude unless really necessary, and right then he had no reason to be rude to the bartender.

“Yeah, it’s been a rather busy week,” Sage replied, keeping it short and sweet.

“Business-wise or pleasure?” the bartender winked at him.

It hadn’t taken long before the footage of Mia and Sage in the office had gotten out. Luckily people had a lot of respect for him outside of work, so no one really dared mention it, but it was definitely known around the Screaming Demons in Florida.