Page 40 of Dancing With Temptation

She lived at the beach, so she started to look at vacation rentals in the mountains of North Carolina. She could drive there and back. She could cry her heart out in solitude, where nobody would try to cheer her up. She could drive him out of her heart and out of her memory.

That was the lie she told herself anyway. She would never be able to completely get rid of Lincoln, there was a bond there that could never be forgotten. One that was stronger, much stronger than anything she’d ever had with Nathan or anyone else. She wasn’t sure she’d even had this strong a bond with her own parents.

That had scared her at first, how much she felt like he’d become a part of her. She came to accept the fear and once she found herself back home, she’d hoped they could nourish that bond and bring it to life. That had been stupid of her though.

Lincoln was not the marrying kind. But then, neither was she.

She thought.

When she went out with Emily, they passed a bridal boutique and she stared at one dress, wanting it for her own. She smiled a smile that Emily nudged her over, but she put the thought away. It was too soon to be thinking of weddings and futures.

Sitting in a cabin a few days later, deep in the woods, covered in mosquito bites, Roxie hated herself for being a fool. It seemed her experience with Nathan hadn’t taught her anything. And to be fair, Lincoln had warned her. He didn’t want a wife, didn’t want a relationship. He wanted sex and lots of it.

Well, she’d given him that plus some.

For a while, she’d known what it was like to be loved, she’d known what it was like to be loved by Lincoln Young in particular. It was beyond anything she’d ever known before. It had given her hope that there would be more, that they would be more. She expected to go through jet lag, maybe even reverse culture shock when she got home. It took her a couple of days to process coming back into her real world, but she’d done it.

She came out of her stupor with hope in her heart, with a heart that actually beat for someone else. There’d been plans, hopes that she wanted to get to right away, but Lincoln had stepped away.

She gave him space at the beginning, knowing his head was probably spinning as much as hers. But she knew he’d be alright in a few days. She knew he’d come for her. Only, he didn’t. He’d taken a major step back from her.

What could have been a step into something totally new for them both had turned into something that nearly broke her. She rented the cabin and rushed up to hide away in her own feelings. The first night she startled at every sound, certain that somebody was about to kill her. She learned that the mountains could protect you, could encircle you in a sensation of safety, but they could also make you very, very afraid.

The second day she calmed down, opened the windows, and even went for a swim in the nearby lake. She went into town and had dinner on her own, and later went to bed, completely naked, too hot to even cover up with a sheet.

She’d barely been able to sleep for days, even before she’d left Myrtle Beach. Her dreams replayed those nights with Lincoln in Cambodia, replayed how good it felt to be with him, and took it all a step further by producing a baby that could never be. That dream woke her up this morning with her heart racing and her heart breaking.

She wanted what she’d had with him in the past, wanted what her dreams told her could have been.

But now it seemed to be over. The chance to have those moments, that future, was gone.

She scratched at a particularly itchy mosquito bite and decided it was time to go home. She’d already spent two days in that hot cabin with a broken AC and accomplished nothing more than getting bit so many times it had at least distracted her. There was one bite she was certain was infected, but it was hidden by her shorts so she couldn’t see it.

With a heavy heart, Roxie packed her bags and drove back home. It took much longer than she thought it would. By the time she got back to her hotel room, she was ready for bed, even though the sun had only just started to go down. She flopped down and fell asleep.

The next day she went out to meet up with Kitty and River. River was still with her couple, happy as she could be, but Kitty seemed quiet. Introspective.

Roxie tried to get more out of her, but both women kept trying to find out about her trip with Lincoln. She told them about the villagers, what she’d seen and heard, and how much she’d loved the country, but she couldn’t talk about Lincoln.

“What happened? Do I need to stab him?” River asked, her eyes glued to Roxie’s from the bench seat across the table.

Roxie smiled, put her hand over her friend’s, and closed her eyes against the tears pricking her eyes. Once the tears had retreated, she opened them. “Nothing bad happened with him there. I promise, he was a complete gentleman. I just have some shit to deal with, that’s all. It’s nothing to do with him.”

“If you’re lying to us, we’ll find out, Roxie,” Kitty warned, her eyes picking apart Roxie’s face. “And if he deserves a kicking, we’ll be more than happy to give him one.”

The fierceness in her eyes told Roxie that Kitty meant it.

“He doesn’t deserve a kicking, at all.” Even if he’d kicked her heart into dust. “It’s fine, really.”

“Mm-hmm.” Both women mumbled and made Roxie laugh when they crossed their arms over their chests in tune with each other.

“Holy fuck, you two are turning into twins.” Roxie laughed a little louder and sank back in her own seat. “I needed that laugh.”

Both women looked concerned but didn’t say anything more.

Kitty left soon to teach a class and River left to rush off back to her couple. Roxie envied River that relationship, that need to be with her people. She felt the same need to be with Lincoln, but as the days passed, she started to think she’d never see him again. He hadn’t said a word to her in three days at least. Maybe it was well and truly done and the possibility that she’d never see him at all again was very real.

She went back to her room, trying to decide whether to go to the theater to watch a movie or just go back to bed. Her phone buzzed, but she ignored it at first. It was probably Emily asking her to come over and see the baby, or another friend checking on her. She was fine, even if she was falling apart inside. She’d be okay and eventually she’d get over Lincoln. Somehow.