Page 21 of Dancing With Guilt

A new message popped up and Roxie breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Be there in 10. Bringing tacos, get out the napkins.

Roxie’s relief nearly dropped her to the floor, but she managed to stay upright. Knowing that June was likely serious about the tacos had her up on her feet in the next breath, picking out plates and glasses to put on the table outside. There was also an entire package of napkins, so Roxie took that out to the balcony.

She waited in the kitchen, almost putting some music on, but changed her mind. June would obviously want to talk and would have a thousand questions; music would just be a distraction. A quick run to the bathroom revealed her hair was still in the messy bun she’d put it in earlier, her white t-shirt was clean, as were the denim shorts that skimmed her upper thighs with ragged tendrils of cloth. She looked like she was twelve years old without a speck of makeup on, but it was June, she didn’t need to look like a cover model, did she?

A discreet knock on the door had her rushing back to the kitchen to open it.

“Hey, girl! Nice place!” June’s bright smile put any last worries Roxie had to rest.

“It’s my friend Nick’s place.” Roxie brushed off the compliment and closed the door once June was inside.

“And who is Nick? Should I be mad at you?” June’s beautifully outlined eyes smiled with affection tinged with a slight hint of menace.

Roxie stared at Lincoln’s sister realizing she might have made a mistake. “Um, he’s really just a friend, June. And last I heard; Lincoln didn’t want me anywhere near him anyway.” Roxie spoke carefully, but with the determination she’d learned to face the world with a long time ago.

“Calm down, calm down. I was only teasing.” June held up two plastic bags filled with food and drinks. “Taco truce?”

“Taco truce.” Roxie smiled, happy the moment was over with. She knew there’d probably be more to come, but so far so good.

They were down six tacos each by the time Roxie sat back, calling time on the taco extravaganza. “I can’t eat anymore, even if they are tiny.”

“They’re good, aren’t they? It was some little place that the online reviews said I shouldn’t miss. And I have to admit, I thought you might not be able to say no to tacos.” June wiped her mouth with a napkin, the gimlet shine of mischief in her eyes now replaced with sadness. “Lincoln told me about Lily.”

“I thought he might have.” Roxie picked up her glass of iced tea and stared at it before she spoke again. “I guess you’re mad at me too?”

“Not at all, Roxie. You were a child, a traumatized child. Okay, so we thought we were grown at eighteen and nineteen, but we weren’t, were we? You made the choice you thought was best for everyone.” The sad eyes were filled with understanding now. “And I know Lincoln; you probably tried to tell him and he just barged through whatever you tried to say.”

“Yes, he did.” Roxie’s words trailed off, her brain suddenly empty. She struggled to get her train of thought back, grabbed one more taco, and unwrapped the paper from around it. “I should have told him though. Finding out from Nathan must have been heartbreaking.”

“I know we haven’t really talked a lot about what happened, but if you changed your name and moved this far away, you must have been terrified. And not taking the baby with you was smart too. Those men might be looking for you and if they found you with your daughter, who knows what might have happened?” June’s head tilted as if to say, ‘what can you do’? “It must have been a really hard decision for you. She’s the only family you have left.”

“How do you always see the good in the crazy decisions I make?” Roxie asked, the tears threatening again. “I think I could murder a stranger and you’d find a reason why they deserved it.”

“You’re probably right, but I know you, Roxie. I’ve known you since you were Chloe, and I know your heart.” June reached for her hand, something they always seemed to do with each other. Their friendship wasn’t just about talking and listening, it was about human contact and affection that made them more sisters than friends. That had always been the case, time and distance hadn’t changed that. “You aren’t a bad person and you aren’t evil, Rox. You always want what’s best for others. You think of yourself last, even when you should be thinking of yourself first. That’s why.”

“You make me sound like an angel and I promise you that I’m not.” Roxie clenched June’s hand in return, but she shook her head just the same. “I’m not perfect.”

“No, you aren’t. But you try to be good. That’s what matters. I grew up, we both grew up, with privileged families as our role models. We knew what snobbery was and when racism reared its ugly head at school and people made fun of my eyes or how short I was, you never backed down. I still remember you punching Stephanie Meadows in the nose when she called me that nasty name.” June’s eyes became distant and she laughed quietly before her gaze came back to Roxie. “Whatever you chose to do, it was the right decision. Don’t let Lincoln make you think any different.”

“I hope he’ll calm down at some point and not be so angry with me.” Roxie picked the tea up and gulped what was left. “I can’t keep crying like some lovelorn teenager.”

“Do you want to patch things up with him?” June asked softly, her lips pursed as if she wished she could draw the words back.

“I would like to, but I don’t see how he’ll ever forgive me.” Roxie shook herself and focused on June. “I’m tired of talking about him, tell me more about your life now.”

“I’m still an overworked doctor in New York. It’s the same as it always was, overcrowded, full of people always on the move, and demanding what they want with rude voices.” June sighed this time, her hand on her forehead for a moment. “But Liam’s just as overworked as I am. He’s the head of cardiology at Dad’s hospital. Dad’s setting him up to take over that department in the hospital. I’ll have the infertility treatment center to deal with. It’s a lot of work for both of us.”

Roxie smiled at the mention of Liam, but she didn’t push for information. That crush was a dream she’d left behind a long time ago. She still had the last note he’d left in the birdhouse for her, but it had never been a serious relationship. Even if the letters contained some of the sweetest words she’d ever read. “I’m glad Liam’s doing well in his career.”

“He is, and Dad wants him to hurry up and take over so that he can retire. Dad has a new girlfriend and they want to travel the world together.” June rolled her eyes with a smile. “I wouldn’t be surprised if I ended up with a new little sister before the end of the year.”

“Seriously? His girlfriend is that young?” Roxie sat forward, her curiosity piqued.

“Mmhmm, I think she’s younger than me, but you know what? He deserves to have some fun after putting up with mom’s bullshit for so long,” June answered and started to clear up the garbage around them. “I love Mom, don’t get me wrong, but she’s a bit schizo sometimes.”

“I remember.” Roxie nodded, aware of just how unpredictable Ms. Young could be. “I’m glad he’s finding happiness now.”