Page 32 of Dancing With Guilt

He felt something warm and breathtaking in his chest with that minor show of trust. He wasn’t Dad to her yet, but that was okay. Time would mend everything between father and child. He hoped.

By the time the sun started to settle in the sky Lincoln was questioned out but not ready to end the day. He glanced over at Roxie, watching something on the TV now that they’d come back inside. She had the subtitles on so she wouldn’t disturb the game of Uno he’d been playing with Aunt Katie and Lily.

“Can I take you all out for dinner, Roxie?” He asked, after observing her for a moment. She was engrossed in whatever it was she was watching but looked over with her eyebrows raised when he spoke.

“What?” For a moment, a smile lingered at the corners of her mouth, but then it disappeared. “Oh, food. Sure, if Lily wants to go somewhere.”

“Can’t we just order something, Mommy?” Lily left the game to come and sprawl out against her mom’s legs. “I’m tired.”

“It’s up to your dad, I guess, Lily. Ask him.” Roxie brushed hair away from Lily’s face, gently tweaking her daughter’s earlobe which made Lily giggle and sit up.

“Can we do that, Lincoln?” Lily asked, using the name they’d agreed to use until she was comfortable with something else. Lincoln really wanted to hear her call him dad, but now he knew that when he did hear it, he’d have earned the title.

“Sure, what do you want?” He waited for an answer, certain she’d say pizza, but she surprised him.

“Tacos!” She cried out happily and ran to him to bounce on her feet in excitement. “The ones with sour cream, please. And some chips and salsa, and guacamole, don’t forget that.”

“You are your mother’s daughter,” Lincoln laughed and pulled up a food ordering app on his phone. “What does everybody else want?”

“I’ll just have a sandwich and go to bed, but thank you, Lincoln. It’s been a long day and I’m a little tired.” Aunt Katie got up from the table and Lincoln watched her, wondering if she was alright.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly, and she turned to nod at him.

“I’m fine, I’m just 74. I’m not a spring chicken anymore. If I ate tacos at this time of night my stomach would make me pay dearly for it. Enjoy your dinner, I’ll be fine.”

“Alright, but if you want anything, just let me know.” Lincoln turned to look at Roxie and he was surprised to catch her watching him, studying him really. Her face smoothed out the instant he turned to her, but he’d caught the look on her face. She approved of how he’d treated Katie then.

“As you said, I’m your daughter’s mother. I’ll have the same thing she’s having.” Roxie added to the order he was building but didn’t move from the couch.

He’d really like it if she’d come and sit with them at the table, but it had been clear all day she was leaving him to get to know his daughter. She stayed close, in case Lily wanted her, but she’d left him to get on with getting to know Lily.

By the time the food arrived, and they’d all eaten, Lily’s eyelids were starting to droop. She’d had a shower while they waited for the food and now she was quickly falling asleep on the floor in front of the couch. She’d settled down there to play videos on her tablet while Roxie and Lincoln finished eating.

“I’ll put her to bed,” Roxie said and got up from the table. “Say goodnight to Lincoln, honey.”

“Good night, Dad,” Lily called out, a yawn interrupting the word dad, but he heard it. That was enough, for now.

Roxie came back in a few minutes later and started to clear away their garbage. “She’s out like a light.”

“It was a long day for both of us, I guess.” Lincoln stacked up empty bottles of water in the bag she’d pulled out from under the sink and held out for him. “Has she got any health problems?”

“No, why?” Roxie had started to move away but stopped. “Would that change anything?”

“No, I just wanted to know. If she needed some kind of care, I wanted to make sure I knew about it. That’s all.”

“She’s a healthy 9-year-old girl, who sometimes has way too much energy and a million questions about everything, but that’s normal too.” Roxie finished clearing up the table and put the bag by the door before she sat back down. “As far as I know, she has no major health problems, though her dentist is trying to convince Aunt Katie she’ll need braces.”

“We’ll get her a dentist here.” Lincoln dismissed the New York dentist and went on to his next question. “When are they going back?”

“Well, I don’t know yet. I’m going to talk to Lily tomorrow and find out what she feels. She likes the idea of being able to see me whenever she wants to, but I don’t think she realizes what she’ll be leaving behind in New York if they come down here.” Roxie’s lips pulled in for a minute but then relaxed. “I would like to have her here, where I can be near to her, see her when I want to, but it’s up to her. We aren’t giving her a lot of choices at the moment, but this part has to be her decision.”

“I agree,” he mumbled, thinking about when he was nine and how many places he’d lived by then. He didn’t want to drag her all over the country the way he’d been moved about like baggage. “If she wants to stay down here, I’ll do what I have to.”

“Thank you. And thank you for promising I can see her when I want to.” Roxie didn’t look at him, instead, she got up and took a bottle of white wine from the fridge. “Do you want a glass?”

“No, I’ll be going in a few minutes. I just wanted to say, well, thank you for today. I didn’t like the idea at first, but it makes sense. She has to know who I am before I force her to live with me. And Aunt Katie as well.” Lincoln tapped a manicured finger against the table and wondered what his next move should be. “If she wants to stay down here, we’ll find them a bigger place to stay temporarily.”

“That might be better,” Roxie conceded. “This wouldn’t have been my first choice of place to bring her to, but my apartment is even smaller.”