Page 14 of Not Because You Loved Me

"I am home!" he cried out, the raw emotion bursting out of him, "I'm home right here. I’m home with you."

The words punctured my heart, forcing a harsh, humorless laugh to tear out of my throat before I could stop it.

"Stop lying!" The laugh turned into a sob, my wall cracking as tears finally spilled over my lashes, hot against my frozen cheeks. "You don't have to lie anymore, Trent! It's over! The test wasn't mine! There is no baby, so you can stop pretending! You don’t owe me a thing; you never did."

"I'm not pretending!" he pleaded, taking another desperate step, his hands hovering in the freezing air, trembling so hard he couldn't hold them still. "Kat, listen to me… I got confused, my head was… I thought I was doing what a man is supposed to do, but I... I got it all wrong… but I swear… I do… I love you."

"When?" I demanded, my anger and hurt rising like a tidal wave, completely steamrolling over his frantic, broken attempts to explain. "When did you fall in love with me, Trent? Tell me! Was it when you thought I was hiding a pregnancy from you for three months? Was it when you thought I got rid of our baby to hide something from you? Or was it when you accused me of cheating on you?"

Trent flinched, opening his mouth, but no sound came out except a ragged gasp of air.

"Was it the morning you gave me the ring?" I choked out, a fresh wave of tears blinding me. "When I said I love you for the first time... and you looked at me and said, ‘you have me’? God, I was so stupid. I stood there and thought, He can't say the words, but he's showing me with his body, he's showing me with his actions.”

"I was!" he cried out, a thick tear tracking straight down through the stubble on his cheek, as if it were freezing tracks onto his face. "Kat, I was showing you…"

"You were showing the woman who you thought was pregnant with your child. NOT ME!" I screamed, my voice echoing into the quiet, dark street. "You were worshipping a belly you thought had your child inside it! You kissed my stomach like it was sacred, Trent! And I thought you meant me. I thought you were looking at me. That I was the precious thing you had to keep close and protect…"

Trent fell silent, his jaw trembling, looking at me with an expression of such profound, crushing agony that it felt like watching a man drown in front of me.

"I fell in love with a man who didn't exist," I whispered, reaching into my coat pocket. My fingers closed around the cold band. I pulled it out and held it toward him. "Take it back."

"No," he choked out, staggering back a step, putting his hands up as if the diamond were a weapon. "No, Kat... please, don't do this. Keep it. Put it in a drawer somewhere for now if you need to, but it is yours… I.. you can’t, don't… don't give it back."

"Our entire engagement was a lie," I said, stepping forward and grabbing his cold hand, forcing his fist open and dropping the ring inside. “You only proposed because you thought I was carrying your child. I only accepted because I thought you loved me. Neither of those things is real. What is left to hold on to?"

"We can build something real," he sobbed, his fingers curling violently around the metal in his palm, his chest heaving. "Please, Kat. I love you. I swear to God, I love you."

"I don't even know who you really are, every moment, every gesture… I keep replaying what were once cherished memories, except now it is all a lie…" I breathed, turning toward the front door, my hands shaking so badly I could barely align the key in the lock. "Go home, Trent."

"Kat, please…"

He reached out, his big, warm arms wrapping around my waist from behind. I froze. For several agonizing seconds, the crushing weight of the world proved to be too much. My body betrayed me. I let myself lean back against his broad chest, burying my face in my hands, sobbing into the frigid night as his arms held me tight, his forehead resting against the back of my neck.

"I love you," he whispered into my hair, his breath warm and frantic. "I love you, Kat. Please don't leave me."

The moment shattered, and the reality of what he’d believed about me swept back in like ice water.

"Don't touch me," I gasped, wrenching myself out of his grip. I shoved the door open, stumbled over the threshold into the entryway, and slammed the door shut between us.

I locked it, leaning my head against the worn wood, my heart hammering against my chest, trying to break free, trying to get back where she desperately believed she belonged.

Outside, there was a long, painful silence... and then the dull thud of someone sliding down the front of the door. I sank down onto the floor inside, pulling my knees up to my chest. Through the door, I could hear his quiet, ragged breaths. He hadn't left. He was sitting on the frozen planks of my porch, his back pressed against the same door my back was resting against.

We were so close, separated by a few inches of oak and an ocean of broken trust.

My hands shook as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. My eyes were too blurry to see clearly, but I opened my messages and found Gideon’s name.

He's on my porch

I typed, my tears dripping onto the glass screen.

He isn't wearing a coat, and he won't leave. Please come and get your brother.

I locked the screen, buried my face in my knees, and listened to Trent weep on the other side of the door until the headlights of Gideon's truck finally pulled into the drive, and I let exhaustion pull me under.

CHAPTER 8

Trent