Page 155 of Healing Eleanor

“But you already know?” I ask.

“Yes,” she replies simply.

“So… she did tell you?” I almost feel a surge of victory.

A wide smile spreads across her face. “Because you just told me, Nik.”

I huff, realizing I’m not going to get an answer from her. Maybe I can try a safer question. “Then… how is she?”

“You know I can’t tell you, darling,” she says, sympathy softening her tone.

“You’re killing me here,” I groan, slouching back against the couch.

“Let me ask you this,” she starts, wiping her hands on a napkin. “Why do you want to know?”

“Are you using reverse psychology on me right now?” I narrow my eyes. “Because it won’t work.”

“No, no psychology,” she replies with a small laugh. “I’m just here as your second mom, helping you through your life’s many predicaments.”

I let my hands fall from my head. “Fine.” I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. “I want to know because I care about her.”

Evelyn lifts an eyebrow, silently urging me to say what I really mean, because she knows me too well.

I groan. “I love her, alright? I want to know because I love her. I haven’t talked to her in almost two months… except the night Mama died.”

A small smile tugs at Evelyn’s lips. “I’m glad you can admit your feelings, Nik.” She sips her water. “Now tell me. Why haven’t you contacted her?”

My defenses go up. “She hasn’t contacted me either, you know.”

“That’s not what I asked,” she says, in that almost sing-song voice that always makes me feel like a child caught in a lie.

“I’m her coach, for one. I shouldn’t be doing that.”

“But it didn’t stop you before,” she notes.

“Fair enough.” I lean forward, swiping a chip from her bag and popping it into my mouth. “Kasper told me he’d fire me if I contacted her.” After the night Mama died, I was grateful that the security cameras’ batteries went out. Otherwise, I’d probably be jobless right now.

“And I couldn’t face her like that. Watching her fall…” I force a swallow down. “It was one of the worst things I’ve experienced since Daria. It broke my heart in ways I didn’t think possible. I don’t think I could handle seeing her like that again.”

I grab another chip. “I’m also… mad at her. So, so mad. I thought she was getting better, but she kept it hidden—basically lying by omission.” I chew, then let out a frustrated breath. “I don’t know if I can trust her.”

Evelyn hands me the bag of chips, letting me continue.

I shake my head. “I shouldn’t even be thinking about this. This is why I can’t grieve Mama properly. Because all of this—Eleanor, the mess with her—it keeps popping up instead.”

Evelyn crosses her ankle over her knee. “Why don’t you try reaching out to her now?” she suggests, shrugging lightly. “You know she’s getting the help she needs, and you’ve never let Kasper stop you in the past.”

A low, labored sigh escapes me. “If my job wasn’t on the line, I would’ve gone to her already.”

“I understand that she’s still under contract, but she can’t dance this next season anyway—which I’m sure you’ve thought about. So tell me, Nik. What’s really keeping you away?” she asks, one eyebrow raised.

I remain silent, staring at the floor, caught in my own tangled thoughts.

She leans forward slightly, her voice soft but firm. “Nik, it seems like you’re avoiding her because you’re afraid of losing someone you love. That’s why you’re having such a hard time grieving Irina. You’re trying to hold onto her when God already called her home. She wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

Her eyes meet mine, unwavering. “I say this with love, and as her best friend, but she would be devastated if she knew you were shutting yourself off from something God sent into your life. Remember a few months ago, when you came to us and told us about Eleanor? How Irina and I felt like God brought her here for you?”

I nod, unable to speak.