Page 30 of Healing Eleanor

I’m not training tonight. I’m preparing.

I hold each stretch for a few counts longer, eyes closed, imagining the studio space I’ll be stepping into tomorrow. I picture the audition panel, visualizing how it will feel to walk in and take my place at center, letting everything else fall away.

Nerves flood my veins. I haven’t had a serious audition like this since the Metropolitan Theatre of Ballet.

Once I feel warm and grounded, I move into breath-focused, gyro-inspired flows. Nothing too demanding, just enough to stay fluid, and keep my rising panic at bay.

After I finish, I cross into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of water. I stare into the cabinet where I keep a small stash of protein bars, soup packets, and unopened rice cakes. The thought of eating makes something coil inside my chest. But Adrian’s words echo in the back of my mind.

“Eat something decent the night before. Carbs. Salt.”

I know he’s right, but there’s no way I’m eating too many carbs or unnecessary sodium tonight. I haven’t tracked my intake as carefully as I should’ve for the past few days. I’ve been so preoccupied with the audition, I let my focus slip. That won’t happen again.

I’ll take Adrian’s advice… well my version of it, at least. Then once the audition’s over, I’ll be back to logging every bite.

I finally settle for a bowl of egg whites with a few thin slices of bell pepper on the side. I eat slowly, mechanically, chewing until the last spoonful is gone.

Once I finish dinner, I lay out my audition wear on the armchair of the couch: black leotard, pink tights, warm-up shrug, and sweats to wear home. I fold everything neatly into my dance bag, careful not to let a single item wrinkle.

I roll up my yoga mat, move the coffee table back, and then climb into bed with my journal.

Starting weight: 135.8 lbs

Current weight: 128.2 lbs

Goal: 115 lbs

Date: 8/20/25

Food log:

Breakfast:

Black coffee (no cream): 0 cals

Greek yogurt (½ cup): 50 cals

Strawberries (½ cup): 25 cals

Almonds (¼ cup): 170 cals

Lunch:

Tuna (in water): 70 cals

Mixed greens (no dressing): 15 cals

Avocado (¼ slice): 60 cals

Cucumber slices: 20 cals

Lentil soup (1 cup): 139 cals

Water: 0 cals

Dinner:

Egg whites (3): 51 cals