Page 80 of Healing Eleanor

I remain frozen in place. I don’t want to get up just to be disappointed. My eyes drift toward the three men in front of the room, but Nik isn’t watching them. He’s watching me.

He leaves Kasper and Russell behind, striding toward me. “You can go look, Eleanor.”

I nod, finally standing. “I just didn’t want to get crushed by everyone else,” I mumble, careful not to show my self-pity or fear.

“You’re a bad liar,” Nik says with a small smirk, nodding toward the door. “Go. I think you might like what you see.” Then he returns to Kasper and Russell.

I’m not able to process how easily he reads me. Maybe my walls aren’t as strong as I think.

Slowly, I make my way into the hallway. Some dancers are leaping for joy, others clinging to the edge of tears.

Lily comes bounding up and grabs my hand. “Oh my gosh, have you seen it yet?” she asks.

“No, I just came out here,” I say, trying to steady my breath.

Lily doesn’t waste a second. She drags me toward the list. “Look!” she squeaks.

I inhale a deep breath, scanning the names.

Eleanor………………………………………..Odette

Then I look at the line below it.

Eleanor………………………………………..Odile

My breath stops short. Odette and Odile? Is this… some kind of sick ploy? It must be a mistake.

“I can’t believe it! You’re Odette and Odile!” Lily squeals, practically bouncing on her toes in excitement.

I coax a small smile onto my face, though my chest feels tight with pressure. Anger is simmering just beneath the surface, and I know it’s only a matter of time before it explodes.

Odette is gentle, pure, vulnerable. And here I am full of cracks and doubts, unsure I want anyone seeing me as weak. Odile, on the other hand, is manipulative, fierce, determined to get what she wants. How can I make Odette’s strength believable when my own is so fragile? And how can I summon Odile’s confidence when I have none?

“Eleanor, you’re going to be amazing!” Lily practically throws herself at me, her grin unstoppable. “Everyone’s going to see it!”

I nod, trying to absorb her excitement, but it’s foreign. “I’ll be right back.”

Lily’s face falls. “Are you alright?”

I manage a small nod and turn back into the studio. Nik, Kasper, and Russell are still deep in conversation, but right now my feelings outweigh my respect for interrupting.

I march straight up to Nik. “Can I speak to you?” I ask, irritation lacing my words.

Nik jumps slightly, clearly startled. He excuses himself from Kasper and Russell and walks me to a quieter corner of the room. “Is everything alright?” His voice is soft, concern bleeding through.

I take an anchoring breath, trying to rein in my anger. “Is this your way of setting me up to fail?”

Confusion flickers across his face. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what,” I snap, my voice rising. “You cast me as both Odette and Odile.”

“And?” he asks.

I rub my temples, trying to calm down. “You don’t get it!” I hiss. “You just handed me two roles I can’t possibly do!” My voice drops to a whisper-yell. “My strength lies in precision, and you cast me as the exact opposite.” The second the words leave my mouth, regret washes over me. I hate the way I sound, and the way he looks at me makes me want to escape.

Nik’s eyebrows furrow, a flash of annoyance crossing his face, and I feel like a fool for letting my anger spill out.

“You know what, Eleanor, you’re right,” he says, calm but firm. “I purposefully picked you so I could watch you fail.” He bends slightly, lowering himself to my level. “Or could it be… because you’re a trusila?” He straightens, looming over me again. “Did I miss the mark?”