Page 16 of The Duke’s Matchmaker

But that wasn’t going to happen. He could see that now. She was more skilled at this than he was, and there was no moment at which she was going to have a realization that she had been too hard on him. If anything, the opposite was going to happen. He was going to have to admit that he had been too lenient on himself, that he had allowed himself too much leeway in trying to find a wife without thinking about what the lady in question might want.

Oh, this was fraught. He was glad to be home, glad that he hadn’t convinced himself to approach any ladies in the park today. At some point, he would have to choose someone and speak to her. Make her an offer. Once he did that, he would be stuck, unable to turn back without an intense amount of dramatics. But for now, that still lay ahead.

He reached the upstairs hallway. Helen was standing outside Colin’s bedroom. She was a young governess—this was her first post, and Nathaniel had had his doubts about her at first, but for the most part he was very happy with her work. He had discovered that she found it easy to talk to Colin.

Most of the time, at least.

Today must have been different, because she was leaning against the wall, eyes closed, looking utterly exhausted. She opened her eyes at the sound of Nathaniel’s approaching footsteps. “Your Grace,” she said, standing up quickly. “I’m sorry. I only just stepped out for a moment. I wasn’t intending to leave him on his own for long…”

“It’s quite all right,” Nathaniel assured her. “It’s understandable that you would need a moment to yourself from time to time. Is he all right in there?”

“He is, I believe,” Helen said. “He was just lying in his bed when I went out. He’s refused to get up for hours. It’s as though he thinks he’ll be forced to do something he doesn’t like if he leaves his bed, even though I told him we could just go down to the garden. He loves the garden, so I don’t understand what all the fuss is about, but he seems unwilling to even dress himself for the day.” She sighed. “It’s been difficult.”

“Has he eaten today?” Nathaniel asked. Colin hadn’t appeared at breakfast, but that wasn’t so odd. He often took his breakfast in his bedroom, preferring to sleep a little later than Nathaniel did, or simply not wanting to socialize. At some point I’m going to have to get him to start eating with me no matter how he might feel about it—but I don’t think that’s something that needs to be rushed. All in good time.

“The maids brought his breakfast first thing, just as I always ask them to do,” Helen said. “He hasn’t touched it.”

“But we don’t think he’s ill?”

“No, not with the amount of energy he’s had. He jumped up, ran around the room, even upset the breakfast tray and threw his porridge at me.”

“Oh, Helen,” Nathaniel sighed. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.”

“He’s a child,” Helen said. “I understand that there will be days like this—he’s only five years old, after all.”

“Yes, but even so, it isn’t right that he should behave this way! He’s going to be a gentleman.”

Helen shook her head. “Your Grace, while that’s true, he isn’t a gentleman today. He’s only a little boy, and the things he’s been through…I just can’t be angry at him for lashing out. I don’t think you ought to be either.”

“Then what should I do?” Nathaniel threw up his hands. “I don’t know how to help him. He makes it all but impossible.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Helen said quietly. “Just go in there and sit with him. He simply wants to know that he isn’t alone.”

“I’m not who he needs, Helen,” Nathaniel said. “A boy of his age needs a mother. There’s nothing I can do for him that a mother wouldn’t do better.”

“But he hasn’t got a mother,” Helen said. “Even if you’re right, even if he would benefit from having one, what he does have is you, and that isn’t going to change right now. He can’t be left on his own until a mother appears for him. He needs to know that he is loved. A governess is all well and good, but…”

She trailed off, looking meaningfully at Nathaniel.

He didn’t know what to say.

He wasn’t Colin’s father. He certainly wasn’t the boy’s mother. What could he really do here? How could he add value and security to Colin’s life? It felt like an impossible task.

But Helen was right. He did have to try.

“Thank you, Helen,” he said with a sigh. “Why don’t you go and take a break? Get yourself something to eat, if you haven’t. I know how hard you work to make sure Colin feels cared for, and you ought to have the chance take some time for yourself.”

“I don’t want him to be left on his own,” Helen said.

“I’ll be with him until you get back,” Nathaniel assured her, and Helen nodded and disappeared down the hall.

Nathaniel took a deep breath and opened the door.

As he had been warned, Colin was lying on the bed in his nightclothes, staring up at the ceiling and drumming his feet against the mattress. He didn’t look up when Nathaniel came in.

“Are you planning to get up and get dressed today?” Nathaniel asked him, standing in the doorway.

Colin didn’t respond.