Page 50 of The Duke’s Matchmaker

“I’m sorry if…what Colin said…made you uncomfortable,” Nathaniel said.

It was late afternoon. They’d come in from the picnic about half an hour ago. Colin had been yawning, so Nathaniel had sent him with his governess to go lie down and get some rest. Now he and Dorothy were in the sitting room over a game of chess.

It was a game Dorothy was about to win and they both knew it. She’d been in the process of putting the finishing touches on this game for the past five minutes or so, chasing his king around the board. He kept evading her traps. Dorothy was good at chess generally, but she always had a hard time ending the game.

She moved a rook, putting him in check once again. Nathaniel easily found a safe space and moved his king to it.

“Colin didn’t make me feel uncomfortable at all,” she assured him. “In fact, I thought it was rather nice. The fact that he got confused because I remind him of his mother…that makes sense, and I hope it means he feels comfortable with me. I’d like that.”

“I think it does mean that,” Nathaniel agreed. “He certainly seems to feel that way, at any rate.”

“Nathaniel?” She felt shy, suddenly.

He shook his head. “I know what you’re going to ask me.”

“You do?”

“And the answer is that I don’t know.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t know what my mother looked like. I don’t remember. It’s been such a long time since I saw her. Colin saw her much more recently. So, I would tend to take his word for it. If he says you look like her…you probably do.”

“That doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable?” she asked. “I’d hate to be a reminder of painful things.”

“It might be difficult if I had clear memories of her,” he said. “But since I don’t…it’s not as if, when I look at you, I see her. I would never have made the connection at all, if Colin hadn’t said it.”

She moved a knight. “You’re in check again.”

“You should have used the rook again,” he said, evading her. “That would have been checkmate.” He pointed out the move she’d missed.

Dorothy sighed. “If you’re so good at this, why am I beating you?”

“You’re not. If you can’t manage to pin me down, it will be a draw,” he reminded her. His one remaining pawn reached the end of the board, and he swapped it for his captured queen.

“Do you think it disturbs Colin?” Dorothy asked. “I don’t want to be a negative presence, and if I remind him too much of your mother, it might make it harder for him to heal from that loss.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Nathaniel said. “I’ll watch him to see if he seems troubled, but the sense I get right now is that he likes the reminder. He likes feeling as though something of our mother is left in the world, even if it is just your blue eyes.”

“Check.”

Nathaniel moved his newly recovered queen to capture Dorothy’s rook. “And anyway,” he went on, “it makes sense now, that he felt so at ease with you. He felt a kinship with you because he was reminded so strongly of his mother.”

His mother, Nathaniel had said. Not our mother. Dorothy didn’t point that out. Maybe it didn’t mean anything significant. But she did file it away.

“It’s good to know,” Nathaniel said. “It’s good to understand why he feels the way he does. You know how much I struggle to make him feel at ease. I’ve had the hardest time making him comfortable here, and when you’re around, it’s like some of the sadness that has been burdening him goes away for a little while. I’m grateful that you met him, and I’m glad he has a reminder of his mother, even if that is a bit complicated.”

“All right,” Dorothy said. “As long as you think it’s all right. I don’t want to confuse him.”

“He’s already confused,” Nathaniel said. “You heard the way he called me Father and then changed his mind and called me Nathaniel, right?”

“I did,” Dorothy agreed. “I wasn’t sure which one you preferred.”

“I leave it to him,” Nathaniel said. “I can’t ask him to call me father. I’m not his father, and he knows that, and I don’t know what he feels about the man who is his father. It’s very difficult for him, dealing with the way his whole life has changed so much recently. I want to wait and let him figure out for himself who I am to him. If he sees me as a father figure, I welcome it, but if I’m always more of a brother that would be all right too.”

“I don’t know why you think you’re not good with him,” Dorothy said. “You’re a wonderful guardian, and it’s very clear how much he loves you. I know you want him to have a mother, and I think that will be a good thing. But I also think…if you never found the lady you’re seeking and it was just the two of you for the remainder of your lives, that you would do just fine together.” She put him in check again.

“That’s very kind,” Nathaniel murmured. “I don’t think I can agree with you, but it means a lot to me that you feel that way about it.”

He studied the board, reached for his queen, hesitated, and pulled his hand back.

“If you touch it, you have to move it,” she reminded him, her heart beating a little faster. If he blocked her with the queen, she would be able to checkmate him on her next move. She wanted him to commit to that.