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“Zeb, that’s a pair of pliers.”
“Maybe you should drive,” he conceded.
“Jane, where do you think you’re going?” Head Courtney thundered. “I’m not done with you yet.”
“My friend is in labor. I’m going to the hospital.”
“I did not excuse you!” Head Courtney shrieked. “You still have duties here at the carnival. There are balloons to be blown up. Garlands to be hung. Lights to be strung.”
“My. Friend. Is. In. Labor,” I repeated very slowly. “I’m going to be with her.”
Courtney put a restraining hand on my shoulder. “You’re not leaving. Abandoning an assignment at a special event will result in an automatic suspension, Jane.”
“And then what? Detention? Expulsion? Firing squad? I don’t have time for this. I’m leaving,” I told her.
Head Courtney turned an apoplectic purple. “If you walk out now, I’ll assign you to scoop horse poop after every Founders’ Day parade for the next twenty years!”
“You know what, Courtney? I don’t think I’m chamber material after all. So, you can take your precious Fall Festival and shove it up your—”
“Jane, we’ve got to go!” Zeb yelled from the car.
“Dang it, I was really looking forward to that one. Courtney, I quit.”
“This is what I get for letting some filthy bloodsucker into the Chamber of Commerce!” Courtney howled. “We’re going to destroy your bony, pasty ass, do you understand me, you undead bitch? When we get done with you, you won’t be able to sell so much as a—”
I had stepped forward, ready to belt Head Courtney in the manner she deserved. But I was cut off by Jenny, who had cocked her fist back and knocked Courtney onto her ass, into a crate full of stuffed Spongebobs.
“Jenny!” I laughed, staring at her in surprise.
“Nobody talks to my sister that way,” Jenny said, rubbing her knuckles gingerly.
“You talk to me that way,” I pointed out.
“But that’s different. I’m your sister. I’m allowed, but no one else is.”
Tears sprang into my eyes, and I threw my arms around her. “Thanks, sis.”
Jenny stiffened, then relaxed and squeezed me back. “Oh, well, anytime.”
Zeb cleared his throat. “I hate to interrupt this beautiful family moment, but my wife is having babies . Jane, get in the car!”
We arrived at the hospital to find Mama Ginger attempting to wrestle her way past a formidable-looking nurse into the maternity ward. Unfortunately for Mama Ginger, the nurse was obviously a John Cena fan and maneuvered Mama Ginger into some sort of pretzel arm-lock position in which she was powerless.
At the sight of his mother, Zeb stopped in his tracks and muttered several of the seven words you’re not supposed to say in polite company.
“How did she know Jolene was here?” I demanded. “I thought you said you weren’t going to call her until a few days after the babies are home from the hospital.”
“I don’t know,” Zeb said, at this point on the cusp of tears. “She must have staked out our house! I thought I saw her car driving up and down our road yesterday, but I told myself even Mama wasn’t that crazy.”
“Obviously, you haven’t paid attention for the last thirty or so years.”
“I’ve got to get to Jolene,” Zeb said, his eyes scanning the hall wildly. “If Mama sees me, I’ll never get past her in time.”
“Calm down. This is why Jolene appointed me waiting-room bouncer,” I told him. “Because I’m willing to do things like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like this.” I shoved Zeb behind the admissions desk, out of Mama Ginger’s sightline.
