Page 37 of How to Woo a Highlander

“Aye, I hope that ye can. I despise liars, and I wouldnae forgive a betrayal,” he had answered.

Back then, she had been taken aback by his words, wondering why he could not hold a light conversation with her and why his words sounded like a threat. Now the memory only made her cry harder. Did that mean that he despised her now?

She could not give up just like that. She would fight until her father agreed to call off the engagement to William, and she would chase her happiness.

Chapter Seventeen

Alastair rode his horse harder than ever; his body angled forwards as he rode it at breakneck speeds across the plains. He was going so fast that the wind whipped his hair, sending it flying, but he still wished that he could go more quickly.

Jane had betrayed him. He could not handle it; he felt as though a swarm of bees was stinging his heart. It was bad enough that she had lied to him, but her lie had caused him to betray William. Now when he looked at his friend, he would be forced to be dishonest, knowing that he had touched and lusted over his bride to be.

He should have known there was something between them when he was giving Jane attention. William never had any interest in women or romance, especially not enough to entertain them in public or have them live in his castle. He had only seen what he wanted to see and ignored the clear signs that had been right in front of him.

William had said that he already told Jane that when he returned, their engagement would be announced. She had then not only gone out dressed as a man and gotten herself into trouble, but she had also kissed him and come into his room at night to find him.

His heart ached at the memory of the night before. He could still feel the softness of her flesh, how she arched her wetness into his face. He felt the need to punch something, wanting to tear the memory from his mind and burn it to ashes. She clearly had no plans to tell him about her betrothal.

He recalled the conversation they had while sitting in his room at the inn when he had confessed to her that he preferred not to love, her words spinning through his mind.

"I wish I had your resolve. I am weak to my feelings, unfortunately. Even when I try to keep them under control, they always run wild on their own. Lately, these feelings are all I can think about. The worst part is that they leave me so confused because the one that I care about stirs up so many conflicting emotions in me while he remains unaffected."

He had foolishly wished that she had been talking about him, but it was clear that she had been speaking of William. He should have had better control over himself. He should not have kissed her. Perhaps it was his fault that she had decided to toy with him.

After he kissed her, he made it evident that he was interested in her, so maybe she had decided to enjoy his arms while William was away. She had used him.

“I swear I never thought I would fall for you. I don’t want to marry William. I never wanted to marry him, but I was willing to do it because of my father, but now that I have fallen for you, I will stop the wedding. I won’t marry William. I choose you.”

Why did she say that to him? And she was crying. Did that mean that she was sincere? No, he could not trust her. She was toying with him, and he should never have trusted her. He was right in the first place, love brought nothing but pain, and he should have continued to avoid it.

“Alastair, I love you, I would do anything for you.”

Frustrated, he threw his head back and let out a loud yell. He wished to forget everything. Why had she chosen to say those words? They had him confused and hurt.

His horse startled at his shout, neighing loudly in response. Coming back to reality, he quickly soothed the beast, whispering calming words and slowing it down to a trot before finally bringing it to a stop. He turned to look behind him. He had ridden quite a long way and not even noticed, lost in his thoughts.

He suddenly remembered why he had gone to William’s study in the first place. It was not to listen to Jane’s father expose the secret of her relationship with William but to find out whether or not the allied clans were going to provide help with the war. He turned his horse, kicking it gently and urging it into a steady canter. He should not have spent so much time riding and should have returned quicker.

When he got back to William's study John Baxendale was no longer there, and instead, he found Lain. His two friends turned as he entered, and he murmured an apology for bursting in, before joining them.

"What happened to ye?" Lain asked as he looked at him, and Alastair rubbed a hand over his face. It seemed that his emotions were written in his expression. He shook his head and waved a hand, dismissing the question as he sat in the seat next to Lain, facing William.

His best friend looked tired and not at all like someone in love or about to get married. William looked much worse than he felt. He wondered if he should begin to worry about his friend’s health as the circles beneath his eyes were so dark they looked painted.

"I cannae believe that ye didnae tell us that ye were to marry Jane," Lain said, continuing the conversation. Alastair glanced at him, but although he said nothing, he agreed with Lain. Why had William kept them in the dark? He was Williams's best friend.

"And Jane didnae tell us either. I have had many conversations with Jane; I even consider her a friend. I suppose I am nae as charmin’ as I thought. Usually, women spill all of their secrets when talkin’ to me," Lain continued as though musing to himself.

Alastair balled his fist at the mention of Jane. He could not even roll his eyes at Lain’s comment. The wound in his heart was still too fresh. Jane's silence carried even more weight to him than William's.

"Calm down, Lain, nae every woman is swayed by ye and yer flirtations. I was the one who told Jane we shouldnae make it ken. If we are honest, it is nay time for a weddin'. The clan is in such an unstable state. She could even be in danger," William explained.

Alastair understood what he meant, being too rash and announcing their engagement could make Jane a target for the enemy. Still, it did not mean that Jane should keep it from him, considering the nature of their relationship.

He almost sighed in his bitterness. Or maybe he was the one just being inconsiderate. They had only shared a kiss, and it had only been one night where they had sought pleasure in each other. Before that, they did not have a relationship.

In truth, now that he had calmed down a little, he was less angry with her than he would like to admit. He was more upset with himself. All the guilt was on him; he was the one who had betrayed his best friend.

He wondered what William would think if he knew. How would he have the courage to stand at his friend's wedding? The courage to hold the children they would have in the future? His head ached just thinking of it.