Page 41 of How to Woo a Highlander

He had slackened, and the clan was suffering for it. He would not slack again. He would protect his people and his friend with his life if necessary. Maybe then he would atone for the failure and betrayal caused by his love for Jane Baxendale.

He returned to William's study after both messengers had left for their destinations. He knew that it would not take his men long to assemble, so he needed William's approval quickly.

After a while, the door opened, and William walked back into the room. He looked calmer than before. It seemed that Jane's presence had been effective. He swallowed down his hurt, not letting William see it.

"Alastair, ye were waitin' for me? Have the letters been sent?" his friend asked. Alastair nodded.

"Aye, they have. I was waitin' for ye because I wanted to ask for permission to go and face Grant," he said.

William froze for a moment, staring at him in shock.

"Ye want to do what?"

Alastair only nodded, gritting his teeth and steeling himself.

"I am determined to go, William. I will be the defense that the people need."

"Alastair, I cannae send ye alone. That would be sending ye to yer death," William objected.

"I willnae be alone, me friend. I have me men. I will take them with me to ambush the enemy. Ye ken that I can dae it. They willnae be expecting us, so we will attack when they least expect it, infiltrate their ranks, and destroy them from the inside." It was a plan they had practiced several times, and William knew how effective it was. It might be the only way to save the people and buy time for the Mackenzie forces and allies to gather.

"If ye fail… there will be nay rescue… even if ye succeed, when they realize, and yer luck runs out…" William's words trailed off as he could not bring himself to finish the sentence. Alastair gave him a sad smile, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"When they realize, I will fight until me dyin' breath. Dae ye remember yer faither's words, William?"

"If a man should have love for his clan, he shouldnae be afraid to lose his life for it."

They had both grown into men under the guidance of William's father, and they respected his word as law, fighting arm in arm as brothers. Alastair, however, had understood differently from William. He knew that his sword was for the protection of the clan and the protection of his friend from a young age.

William was Laird, and he did not even have an heir yet. If anything happened to him, the war was as good as lost. It was not William's place to give his life, and it was not every fight they could fight as brothers.

"Ye have me permission," William said sorrowfully.

He gave William a reassuring smile as his friend, before bowing to him as the Laird.

His feet were heavier than he would have liked to admit as he left the study. What man was not scared of death, even though it was for honor? Even knowing that his sacrifice was necessary, his heart still pounded, and his stomach lurched.

He was scared, but he had to control himself. His men were counting on him. He needed to muster not just the bravery to fight and die by himself, but the bravado to take his men along with him. He could not afford to be afraid. Retrieving his sword from his chambers, he immediately headed for the stables.

Just as he had expected, his men were gathered, all twenty men, not a single one missing. They turned as he arrived and gave respectful bows, smiling from ear to ear. He pulled the closest man into a friendly hug.

"Ah, Gerald ye came? I havenae seen ye since yer wife had ye a bairn. It has been but a month since," Alastair said. Gerald nodded.

"Aye, she gave me a son. Dare I say he is as handsome as I am. I came because ye called, Alastair. I couldnae ignore yer message."

Alastair was filled with a fresh sadness, looking at his men. They all had lives to live, people who would miss them, and those that depended on them. He could not carelessly take them to their deaths.

" Gerald…" he began, then turned to face the group as a whole, "no, all of ye. This is a dangerous mission. It might as well be suicide. I cannae make ye follow me. Ye have life, and ye have love. If any of ye wants to retreat now, dinnae follow. Instead, stay and remember us."

His men exchanged glances without speaking. Gerald had his wife and child, Donny was still young and had his mother and brother, Carlisle had three children he was raising as his own. Alastair had no one to miss him and none who depended on him; his men had everything.

Gerald stopped his thoughts with a heavy hand on his shoulder.

"We are followin', sir, Alastair. A man havin’ things he loves gives him more reasons not to fear death." The men all seemed to agree as they cheered, moving closer to show their support.

Things ye love give ye more reasons nae to fear death.

Unlike them, his life carried much less weight. He could only hope that he could lead those who had much more to lose.