Page 45 of How to Woo a Highlander

"Are ye alright?" he asked. He was too tired to be annoyed with her, and he knew that the last thing she needed at that moment was for him to be angry. She had killed someone for the first time.

It was just a few weeks ago that he had been asking her if she could use her short sword and telling her that it was more difficult than she thought to wield a weapon against someone. Who would have thought that she would learn so quickly. Those were much simpler times, and he wished he could return to them.

She finished crying and sat in a trance, her eyes far away. He thought she had not heard his question, but then she spoke.

"It was a lot harder than I had thought it was. I knew it would be difficult, but I didn’t realize how much."

Alastair could only nod in agreement. It was always difficult the first time, and he had seen countless. Killing always had a great impact on people. He remembered his first kill.

“You make it look easy, though,” she added, and he realized that she’d watched them attack the enemy. “I saw how you fearlessly ran into the danger and killed your enemies even when outnumbered. How could I continue to be a coward in the face of your bravery?”

There were many things he wanted to say to her, such as that it was not cowardice to have clean hands, or that what he did should not affect nor concern her, but none of those were important.

"Why did ye come here, Jane?" If she had not come, she would not have had to experience death, and her hands would not be stained with blood. If he had the energy, he would have been furious. She had brought herself into harm’s way, and she was disrupting his plans.

What would she have done when they infiltrated the enemy ranks? Would she follow them? He pressed his hand to his forehead. That was a stupid question, of course, she would.

Knowing Jane, she would steal clothes from the enemy as well and pretend to be a soldier. Then she would get in trouble, and they would all end up dead. It was good that they had found her now. At least he could send her back.

"I followed you, Alastair. I told you that I would do anything for you. I would follow you anywhere, and that includes to the death."

Alastair sighed in frustration. She did not think things through.

"I dinnae think ye understand how serious death is, Jane."

She glared at him, provoked by his words.

"I think I do, Alastair. If death is so serious, then how come you are so keen to run to it?" she asked.

"That is nae the same thing," he said, shaking his head.

"Is it not? If I were not here, that soldier would have escaped; he was too fast for your men. He would have alerted his people, and you would die!" she exclaimed, leaning forward and facing him squarely.

"He was injured, Jane. How far could he run? He was on foot! Running from two able men trained to track enemies!" he all but shouted in exasperation.

Jane fell silent. He pressed his palm over his eyes. He had said he would not be angry, but Jane was truly reckless, quick to do dangerous things on impulse without thinking it through. She was unlike any woman he’d ever met. He should have expected it, right from the first; she had met fire with fire, stepping out to give him a tongue lashing.

"I just don't want to lose you, Alastair," she said suddenly. "I truly love you; I don't know how you expect me to live if something happens to you. I could not let you go just like that."

Alastair could feel his resolve crumbling in the face of her words. She had followed him into danger and killed the enemy to keep him from harm. How could he continue to resist her after all that?

"I love ye too, Jane," he confessed. Her eyes widened, and she looked stunned. He realized that it was the first time he had said it out loud, and he smiled, sadly.

"I should have said that to ye sooner," he admitted, and tears sprung up in her eyes again. "I was going to tell ye. The day that yer faither came. I was plannin' a special date where I would confess how I felt about ye. Instead, I found out that ye were to marry William and… I was just so angry."

She wanted to interject, but he held up his hand to stop her.

"I think that beneath all of me mixed emotions, what I was most angry about was the fact that ye were nae mine. For the first time in me life, I was jealous of William," he confessed.

It was the biggest confession he’d ever made. He had not even been able to admit to himself that he was jealous of William. He chuckled sadly. There were many things to atone for.

Jane raised a hand to his face, caressing his skin.

"I am yours, Alastair. From the moment I set eyes on you, I was yours. You filled my thoughts even when I did not want you to. William and I have no relationship. He does not want me either. We only got engaged because we had no choice."

He kissed her palm. He knew she was right; William had already confessed that he did not love her, and his heart belonged to someone else.

"I ken that now… I am sorry that I doubted ye, Jane," he said, touching her face. "I’m sorry for all the tears ye have cried because of me."