Page 113 of Wild Abandon

The pub is empty. Not unusual for this time of day. The after-work crowd will be coming in soon. The staff doesn’t come in until later. No need. I can take care of everything else.

I look over at the seat, at Crystal’s spot at the end of the bar.

What kind of sick man falls in love with another woman when his wife is lying lifeless in a hospital bed?

A man who met Crystal Reid, that’s who.

What I would give for Crystal to walk in here again.

No. I bang my fist against the bar.

“Fuck!” I shout, clutching on to my hurt hand.

“Don’t go beating yourself. What good are you, if you’re injured?” The voice belongs to a stout man with a bulging stomach and a limp. A voice I never thought I’d hear in this bar.

“What are you doing here?” I ask Ed as he hobbles over to the bar.

In the last four years, I’ve only seen him at Ellie’s bedside. Each of our interactions has been cordial yet strained. Our only concern is Ellie. The past is never spoken of.

He looks much older this time. Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen him anywhere but under fluorescent lighting in years. The wrinkles on his face are deeper, his eyes falling at the ends. He looks tired, not the robust Ed I always knew.

“Came to talk some sense into you.” Ed walks up to a stool and places his cap on the bar before working hard to climb up onto the barstool.

I don’t dare help him for fear he’ll swing at me with his cane. I know he wants a bourbon. I pour him a glass of his favorite and hand it to him.

If he’s here to scold me for cheating on his daughter, then he has no need. I’ve been beating myself up for weeks. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t think of anything but Crystal.

I slam my fist into the wood again.

“You got the Tourette’s, boy?” He places his glass down and eyes me through this bushy black eyebrows.

I shake my head at him and straighten my back. “You here to tell me what an idiot I am? Because I know. I know I wronged Ellie, and I know I wronged you. Most importantly, I wronged Crystal. Don’t worry. It’s over. I’m sure she told you.”

“She did. Right before she left for New York.”

My heart halts. “She left?”

“Came by the ranch and said her good-byes.” His eyes are unfocused on the space in front of him, glazed over, as if recalling the conversation. “I had some explaining to do. I’ve known what’s been going on for a while now. Saw you the day you went scurrying off in your truck. Listened to her go on about the guy she was falling in love with. I didn’t say anything. Couldn’t rush her into the world of hurt she was in for. She loved you, and that girl loves hard.” Ed takes another sip of his bourbon, not making eye contact with me.

“Ed, I never told her about Ellie. I lied to her.”

“I figured. She said you were in love with someone else. Didn’t take long for me to realize that she didn’t know the whole story.” Ed’s disdain is written all over his face.

The first time he comes to me in years, and it’s out of…disappointment.

“Okay, fine. I’m an asshole.” I make a dramatic point to my chest. “I’m the reason Ellie is lying in that bed. I’m the reason Crystal ran away, hurt. You don’t think I know this? I hate myself more and more every day. My entire life, I have been left by the people I loved or told how worthless I was. I know what I am, Ed. I don’t need you to sit here and remind me of just how fucked up my life is.”

I’ve never raised my voice to Ed before. He’s like a father to me. I have never shown anything but respect for him. And, here I am, screaming at the man.

My heart hurts; my soul hurts. Everything my mother ever said is true.

Ed is looking into his glass, his mouth shrugging in agreement of what I just said. The act makes me want to punch something again.

“You’re right. You are an asshole”—he looks up at me—“because you let the best thing that ever walked into your life leave on a plane to New York.”

My head does a double take. Did he just say what I think he said?

I stare at him, dumbfounded, waiting for him to speak.