Page 93 of Wild Abandon

“Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you. And it’s not because I was lonely. You complete me in a way no one else ever has. I want to be with you, Crystal.” He bows his head and clenches his trembling jaw. “But I made a vow to someone else. I swore to God that I would take care of her for the rest of my life, and I will.”

“I can’t be with someone, knowing I’m their second choice.” I pull on my lip and fight back my tears.

Nate lets his own tears fall free. “And I can’t be with you because I’m afraid you’d be my first.”

I inhale my sob and fall apart before him. I spin on my heel and close the door behind me. I fall to the floor, and Naomi takes me into her arms, wiping away the tears. We don’t move until Nate’s truck drives away.

It’s been three days. Three days that I’ve had a chance to sit and think about the awful tragedy I have been a part of. A woman who can’t fight for the man she loves because she’s trapped in her own body. Another who can’t fight for the man she loves because he’s trapped in his own heart.

I’ve thought about the scenario from so many angles. I’ve considered the fact that Nate has been alone for the last four years, loving someone who cannot love him back. She might not be dead, but she is certainly not there in the traditional sense. Part of me wonders if I should go to him, give him the companionship he deserves. He must be awfully lonely.

But I can’t. Because the truth is, if his wife were well, he’d be with her. He’s married, and I cannot come between a man and a wife. Even if he might have chosen me over her.

The thought makes me sick. The whole thing makes me sick.

“You look as bad as I feel,” Ed says, hobbling onto the veranda where I’ve been sitting for the last three days.

He has been gone for the duration, leaving me to conduct two tastings on my own. I felt like an idiot, but I suppose it was a good distraction from wallowing in my misery.

“Thanks for the note. Nice to find out in a Dear John that your boss will be MIA.”

“Did you sell any wine?” he asks, taking a seat next to me.

I never knew him to care if we sold anything.

“I did, in fact. Six bottles.”

He pats my leg and looks out at the roses. We both sigh. Well, I sigh. He grumbles.

“Everything all right? I mean, the fact that you weren’t around. Are you okay?” I look at him.

His eyes are tired. More tired than usual. And his lips are pouted out a little more than they usually are.

“I’ve been better.” He looks over at me and squeezes my knee. “You gonna tell me why you’re so heartbroken?”

“How did you know I was heartbroken?”

“I’m a husband and father. I can spot a forlorn woman a mile away.”

I take a cleansing breath and shake my head. “I fell in love, Ed. I fell in love with someone who I didn’t have to add sugar to mask the flavor. And I didn’t have to shield myself against him or pretend that I was something I wasn’t. He knew me and loved me. I met the right person, but I had to let him go.”

“Why in the hell did you do that?”

“He’s in love with someone else.”

“Well, that is a problem.”

“He’s married, Ed. And his wife sounds amazing, but she can’t fight for him. How do I fight for a man against a woman who can’t put up her fair share?”

“Does he love you?”

“Does it matter?”

“It’s the only thing that does matter.”

I nod my head. “Yes, he loves me. It all seems so unfair.”

“Life’s not fair. I’ve loved and lost my fair share. You know the worst part? I shut out the world. I stopped doing the things I loved, stopped being with the people I loved. Sometimes, the hurt overpowers the love. We become blinded by it. I let too many years go by, living in the pain. It wasn’t until something magical happened that I finally started to realize I wanted to live in the real world again.”