Page 96 of Pure Abandon

Entering the kitchen, I see Gwen standing at the counter, pouring two cups of coffee. I knew her silence would only last so long. And it’s time for me to stop being such a chicken shit.

Gwen leaves one cup on the counter and picks up the other, carrying it into the living room. I could have sworn she would have wanted a heart to heart at the kitchen table. I watch her take a seat on the sofa and pick up a magazine, casually reading it while sipping her coffee.

I grab the other cup and contemplate taking it to my room before following her into the living room. I take a seat on the couch opposite her and take a sip.

Gwen is sitting with her legs crossed and the magazine loosely lying open on her leg. She looks disinterested in engaging in a conversation with me. The silence is making me uncomfortable.

“Fine, I’ll bite.” I know what she’s doing, and it’s working. “Where would you like to start?”

Gwen is still thumbing through the magazine, taking in the pictures. “Perhaps you can start with why I woke up at the crack of dawn to bring my grandson home to a half-empty household?” she says without looking up.

I shift uncomfortably. “Mom, Gabriel…” Do I even want to say it out loud? “Gabriel walked out on us last night.”

“Uh-huh,” she says, still looking down. “And why did he do that, honey?” Her tone is nonchalant yet slightly condescending.

“Why do you think he left? To get into some other woman’s panties, I presume.” The anger comes raging back through my bloodstream as thoughts of Becca, the underwear, and who knows what else start to replay in my head.

Gwen just nods her head. “That’s interesting. You see, I thought it had something to do with this devastatingly handsome man right here.”

I look up to see Gwen holding the magazine up and the photo of Asher standing in his office. Why do mothers always know everything before you even tell them?

My mouth is dry. This is exactly what I’ve been avoiding. I should tell her the whole story. I should start from the beginning. I need to explain what the last few weeks have been like, the park, the department store, the car. I need to tell her everything, but I have a feeling she already knows.

Tears fall slowly down my cheeks as I bury my head in my hands. “I’ve made a mess of everything.”

Gwen puts down the coffee cup and closes the magazine. The couch dips as she takes a seat next to me, curling one leg under the other, leaning into me. Her hand rubs my back the way she used to when I was a kid. “There is no mess too big to clean up.”

I look up at her understanding eyes. “No, Mom, we both have made a mess of this. He’s done things, I’ve done things, and words were said. I’m afraid it’s irreparable.”

“Kathryn Elizabeth, look at me.” She lifts my chin with her fist, looking me sternly in the eye. “I look in your eyes and I see your father. You look so much like him. You know that?”

The thought makes me smile. “You do?”

She continues. “But your personality, that’s all me. Sorry, kid, but you are Gwendolyn’s daughter. I tried to tell you that before.”

I shake off the notion. My mother is flighty, irrational, and a total drama queen.

Damn it.

As the realization hits me, I pose the question. “Mom, you would never, ever do to Dad what I—”

She stopped me midsentence. “Don’t be so sure about that, sweetheart.”

I look up at her, stunned. Is my mother telling me what I think she’s telling me?

“Oh, honey, it was a long time ago. Your father was always on the road, and the other wives were always talking about who was screwing who in what hotel in which city. It’s a lot to play with your head, you know.”

Gwen leans back into the couch and takes my hand in hers. Her head turned toward the window, her gaze wanders off. “Every time your father walked out that door, I wondered what he was doing out there.”

“Mom, maybe he was doing something…” I interjected.

“Maybe he was. Maybe he wasn’t. That I will never know.” She sighs. “His name was Don and he was handsome, charming, and attentive.” She looks back at me, giving my hand a squeeze. “It was short-lived, but it was incredible. He made me feel complete when I didn’t know I needed it.”

Part of me wants to hate her for being unfaithful to my father. The other part completely understands how she must have been feeling to be drawn into the arms of another man.

“What happened? How did you end it?” I asked.

Her eyes soften. “Your father got sick, and I knew there was nowhere I’d rather be than at his side.” With the back of her hand, she brushes away the soft tears that fall down her face.