Page 67 of Forgotten No More

“I am sure he has much more important things to occupy his mind and time.”

“You think so?”

“Why do you say it like so?”

“It is only that Harold has been very preoccupied as of late,” Vi said. “He barely attends meals or joins us in the evenings.”

Ruby didn’t want to say it was because he spent most of his time saving her from herself and trying to anticipate her next slipup. “That is odd.”

“But this does explain Harold’s severe reaction to Rodney the other evening.”

“The other evening?” Ruby asked.

“Yes, we arrived home to find Harold, his hands close to ringing Rodney’s neck, out front of our townhouse.”

That explained Harold’s hasty departure after making sure she was safely at home after leaving Ellie at Craven House. Ruby had been exhausted and in such pain that she’d retired to her room immediately upon returning home.

“He is a good man,” Ruby said. “He has saved my reputation on more than one occasion.”

“Why could you not just ask your mother?” The subject change threw Ruby off guard—most likely what Vi had intended.

Ruby had shared so much of her life with Vi, but she didn’t know if she was prepared to tell her dearest friend about this particular struggle. What girl told another that her mother turned away from all contact with her own child? Especially Vi—how could she understand, having no mother herself, and instead raised by a most loving and attentive father? Any mother, no matter her nature, would be better than none at all. What right did Ruby have to complain? The words would sound like those of a petty, spoiled child.

She went with the only explanation that could make sense, and truly, the only thing that mattered to her. “I did not want to risk gossip getting out and ruining the memory of my father—not the one who turned my mother away, but the man who raised me. I could not live with myself if his friends and other society members found out that his wife had cuckolded him. Besides which, she has lied to me my whole life. Why would she suddenly be truthful with me?”

Embarrassed, she turned back to her table. She knew her mother’s choices were not her own, but the shame belonged to her due to the circumstances of her birth.

“Who is your father?”

“I cannot…not yet.”

“Do you think I will view you differently because of the knowledge you hold? Because of circumstances beyond your control?” Vi set a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I am the last person who should cast stones.”

Once her secret was out, it could never be taken back—and the consequences would be all her doing. If Vi learned of her dubious lineage, she would surely insist on helping Ruby.

She could be Ruby St. Augustin, daughter of a baron, but not the alternative: Ruby, illegitimate daughter of a rake of the first order, wanted by none.

“I will not push you, Ruby. You are my friend and I trust your judgment. When the time is right, you will tell me,” Vi said. “And until then, I will continue to be here for you. No matter the need. I only hope you will ask for my assistance.”

“And what about when I do tell you, and you do not like what you hear? What then? I cannot bear the thought of complicating your life.”

“Then I will continue to be your dearest friend. We will figure everything out together and if you wish to return to Haversham House, that option is yours to make.”

Ruby wanted to cry. Sob for the unconditional love her friend offered, yet her own mother was incapable of giving. “Thank you.” The words were all she could muster, although she knew Vi deserved so much more.

“It pleases me that Harold has been such a great help to you.”

“Yes, though I have not asked for nor encouraged his involvement.”

“You like him, do you not?”

The question took Ruby by surprise. She hadn’t allowed herself to acknowledge her desires for him; there was no chance of anything more than a fleeting acquaintance between the two. He would likely find a suitable bride and return to the vicarage, while she would eventually retire to her family’s country estate and live the remainder of her days helping Vi take care of the children at Foldger’s Foundling House or maintaining her family’s estate.

Vi sat next to Ruby on her dressing table bench and looked into the mirror—and straight to Ruby’s deepest desires, her very being, before speaking. “To know great love, one must also know great pain.”

“I am not sure how that can help me,” Ruby looked down where Vi clasped her hand.

“I think you do,” Vi smiled, though it held sadness. “Life is like a pendulum. As it swings one way, it is guaranteed to swing the other, with just as much force. Right now you are feeling sadness, despair, loneliness, fear…and probably a hundred other emotions you do not know how to handle. But never fear, the other side of your current pendulum swing will hold joy, hope, belonging, and courage. “