Page 143 of Spurred On

So she sucked in a deep breath, filling her lungs with fresh, clean air. She steeled her spine and grabbed her courage with both hands and said the words that cut her to the core. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

He was silent for a moment. She peeped at him to find him staring at the cards, his jaw working. Clearly this raw vulnerability was hard for him too. “Neither do I.”

He glanced at her then and their gazes tangled.

“So what do we do about this?” she asked, her voice ragged. Anxiety roiled in her belly and she turned to pace the room.

“I don’t want to do what we did before.”

She stilled. Her heart ached. “Ah, no?”

“Falling into bed. Relying on the chemistry between us to keep us afloat.”

It was impossible not to look at him then. “There’s . . . chemistry between us?”

“You know damn well there is. But obviously it’s not enough. Or maybe it’s too much. Whatever. It’s not enough.”

Her heart ached. A little sob escaped her lips.

He frowned at her, though it was a gentle frown. “We have to talk things through,” he said. “I’m not interested in another temporary fling that’s going to end with you flouncing away angry over nothing.”

“It wasn’t nothing.”

A flush rose on his face. “Damn it, Sidney, I told you. Nothing happened with them.”

She sat on the bed beside him and set her hand on his. Stilled him. Soothed him. “I’m not talking about those women. I’m talking about my reaction. It wasn’t nothing, and it wasn’t just over the situation.”

His Adam’s apple worked. “What was it then?”

Here it was. The core of it all. Her dirty, murky, fetid secret. “I was . . . afraid.”

Surely he would laugh at that. Maybe even shake his head and walk away when he realized what a pathetic coward she was.

She waited for his response for what seemed like an eternity. Finally he said, “What-what were you afraid of?”

She huffed a sound that might have been a laugh. “Don’t you know?”

“Not really.”

“I was afraid you would dump me first. I was certain you would.”

He shook his head. His gaze bored into hers. “Never.”

“I can’t believe that. You dumped me before.”

He cringed. “I was a stupid kid. I’m not that dumb kid anymore.”

She leaned back on the pillows and studied him. “I have a question for you then. One that’s haunted me for years.”

“Shoot.”

“Why did you choose Tibby?”

He snorted. “I didn’t choose her.”

“You asked her out. That next day. Why?”

“Don’t you know?”