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I frowned at her but chose not to respond to that. “So, clearly, you have the in-person issues covered, but what happens when Glenn starts monkeying around with your records online or brings the authorities sniffing around, asking awkward questions about pregnancies that only last four months and an inordinate number of injuries related to bear traps?”
“You mean, what do we do when he tries to bring the pitchfork-wielding mob of humans to our door, screaming for the monsters’ heads?” Maggie asked, her toned laced with unholy glee. “We just put on our best human faces, all innocent eyes and guileless smiles that say, ‘Oh, gee, Mr. Health Official, I don’t know how our paperwork got so messed up. We’re just sweet, unpretentious country folk who don’t understand them fancy computers.’â??”
“Your smiles say all that?”
“You’d be surprised how often it works,” Maggie assured me. “I mean, really, who’s going to believe that my aunt Winnie is a werewolf? People want to believe what they know to be true. They’ll grasp on to any rational explanation we give them. And if they don’t buy it at first, we just keep pushing, finding new stories to tell, until they do.
“I’m not saying it wouldn’t cause complications or problems, but as smart as your husband is, he’s not enough of an evil genius to blow our cover. We’ve faced better operators than him over the years. We have devious, slightly more violent methods to deal with him that are best left to your imagination.”
“Probably not.”
“We can take care of him. Of course, you would have known this if you’d told me about it.”
“Hindsight and all that.”
“Now comes the part where I threaten to kick your ass from here to Ontario if you hurt Caleb.”
I nodded. “Wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“Seriously, I’d fix it so they’d use your carcass as bait on that Deadliest Catch show.”
“So to make me feel safer and calmer, you’re threatening me with graphic, grievous bodily harm?”
“Yup.”
“Little too far there, Mags.”
15
This Is Why You Use the Buddy System
With my real birthday on the horizon—not the birthday listed on the “Anna Moder” paperwork—the werewolf aunties insisted on hosting a big joint celebration of my thirty-fourth year and Caleb’s permanent return to the pack. It was the first opportunity for the pack to put on a big spread since the first hard frost. I didn’t mind being used, as long as it meant Aunt Winnie brought her hash-brown casserole.
So one not-so-special Friday evening, when the roads were clearer than usual, every aunt, uncle, and cousin jammed into the community center to stuff themselves silly under a jungle of tissue-paper flowers produced by Samson’s mate, Alicia. Even Mo and Cooper made the treacherous snowmobile trip with their toddler, Eva, to welcome us back into the fold. They were the last of the relatives I’d “fooled” with my false identity. I liked Mo quite a bit, and I hated the idea of her shunning me as a result of perfectly justified hurt feelings.
I should have known better. Mo adjusted to my news the way she had adjusted to most things pack-related: smoothly and with style. She just grinned and threw her arm around me when she and Cooper had made their way through the throng of noshing werewolves.
“Well, now that I know who you are, I’m a little ashamed of myself. I thought I knew another Southern transplant when I saw one,” Mo said, grinning, shifting the sleepy-looking toddler so she could extend her hand as if to reintroduce herself. “Leland, Mississippi.”
I shook her outstretched hand, and the handshake turned into a hug. “Jackson, Tennessee.”
“I can’t tell you how glad I am that you’re back. Eva bit the new doctor at the Grundy clinic, and now he’s less than enthusiastic about seeing her for her checkups. The big sissy.”
“She did break the skin,” Cooper pointed out, though there was a note of pride in his voice.
“Well, that was the only way she could express ‘I do not appreciate the intrusion of your booster-shot needle’ with the emphasis she felt was necessary,” Mo said primly.
Cooper rolled his eyes but only slightly. “We’re glad you’re back, Doc.”
“I’m glad to be back,” I told him.
“And I’m glad you dragged my idiot cousin home with you,” Cooper added. “If anybody can straighten his stubborn ass out, it’s you.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I hope I’m up to the challenge.”
“Oh, you know you are,” Mo said. “If he’s anything like Cooper, he’d hand you the moon and stars if you looked at ’em twice. They’re shamelessly devoted to their mates, all of them. Even Maggie.”
Maggie overheard this and sent a rude gesture Mo’s way, which Mo returned without breaking her verbal stride.
